For years I have been using this chair:
1800s torture device? Random object stolen from an underfunded elementary school art class? Scrap metal and a few bits of wood shaped to hold a human, if that human was shaped exactly like a Lego person?
Whatever you'd call it, it's my computer chair. Or at least it was. Until a few weeks ago, when I received an email containing the following phrase, underlined by myself for emphasis:
Why yes. I am highly professional. After fifteen years of doing this my efforts are finally being recognized.
The email came from a representative of EWinRacing, makers of fine gaming chairs. You know, the sort of chair you always see in Twitch streams, resembling something found in an F1 race car or a fighter pilot cockpit.
Was I interested in reviewing one of their chairs? I have never reviewed a gaming chair. I barely know how to review a game. So sure, why not! It's time to show GamersNexus and Digital Foundry how objective, fact-based coverage is done.
Meet the EWinRacing CLC Ergonomic Gaming Chair.
The first thing I noticed while assembling this bad boy is that unlike literally every piece of furniture I already own it is sturdy and well-crafted. All of my other furniture falls apart when subjected to a nearby sneeze. You could sneeze in this gaming chair for a year straight, and the only thing that would fall apart would be your body.
This thing is legitimately solid. It's less of a chair and more of a throne.
As our first benchmark demonstrates, you will have a hard time falling out of this chair. Its large frame envelops you in comfort. The armrests (which my previous chair didn't even have) prevent you from accidentally sliding out sideways. The wings keep your shoulders in place during particularly intense sessions of Crusader Kings II.
I have very bad posture. If you looked at a silhouette of me using my computer, you'd assume something small and valuable fell on my keyboard and I was leaning down to look for it. To my genuine surprise, the CLC has corrected my posture. The chair's back is so tall and so naturally angled that I find myself sitting up perfectly straight at all times. If the back of my head isn't touching chair, I feel wrong and subconsciously straighten out.
If I had known these chairs could fix my lazy idiot spine I would have bought one chairs years ago.
Here we see where the EWinRacing gaming chair pulls ahead of the competition. This chair boasts a buttery smooth one chair per second (cps). There is no stuttering. There are no dropped frames. That chair rate is locked, meaning that as long as it exists the chair will consistently be one chair at any given second.
Go ahead and spin the chair as quickly as you can. Roll it back and forth in sudden movements. It will take your stress tests like a champ, and never dip below one chair per second.
Here's where things get a little subjective. Replay value (also known as "bun factor") is a measurement of how many times out of one hundred a user will sit back down in a given chair at some point in the future.
Every single time I have stood up from my EWinRacing CLC Ergonomic Gaming Chair, I have felt certain that I would be sitting down in it again. On several occasions I stood up just so I could experience the pleasure of sitting back down again. Compare that to my horrible old chair, which I avoided ninety nine times before reluctantly sitting in once.
Finally we move on to the most startling benchmark, which measures in-game performance:
As you can see I averaged one hundred frames per second while playing The Division 2 in my EWinRacing CLC Ergonomic Gaming Chair. That's a massive 100% performance increase over my horrible old chair, which I stopped using before installing The Division 2.
If you care about gaming you can't afford to pass up an extra one hundred frames per second.
The EWinRacing CLC Ergonomic Gaming Chair is our editor's choice for 2020's best gaming chair. It's large and sturdy. It's comfortable. It fixed my posture. It blows the competition away in every conceivable measurement of quality, which I thought up by myself.
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind
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