Buzzwater, submitted by Pody. Tired of getting sleepy at work? Tired of having a regular heartbeat? Well I've got the answer for you! Buzzwater!

We are "Liquid For A Tired, Overweight And Out Of Shape Planet".

The BUZZWATER Company, established 9 years ago, is a visionary beverage company, second to none when it comes to stamina beverages, designed to maintain power, optimum energy over long periods of time and increase endurance levels, improving performances mentally and physically during times of stress and fatigue.. Combining the world’s two most important and orally ingested ingredients on a global daily basis in our beverages, “Water and Caffeine".

The whole idea behind Buzzwater is that existing drinks that contain caffeine are fattening, have too much sugar and other additives, and are bad for your health. Buzzwater contains only the purity of water and caffeine and one bottle of their product contains as much caffeine as six and a half bottles of cola. If the planet is so overweight and out of shape I'M NOT ENTIRELY SURE THAT INGESTING MORE CAFFEINE IS THE ANSWER. How about, oh nothing, a healthy diet and plenty of exercise?

But don't take my word for it. Check out what kind of incentives are in store for you when you buy Buzzwater!

Caffeine’s benefits have helped to bring about the industrial revolution, and is the world’s most popular substance, driving us in to the future of the information-intensive, fast moving world of cyber technology. Caffeine without a doubt has produced the modern personality.

Caffeine can cure AIDS, cancer, and homosexuality. Caffeine is responsible for the evolution of human life on the planet Earth. Caffeine helped Adolf Hitler invade Poland and rid the world of the evil Jews. The drink of choice for the master race is Buzzwater. BUT CAN BUZZWATER BRING BACK THE EYESIGHT I LOST AFTER LOOKING AT YOUR WEB SITE.

Some people will say they drink coffee for the taste or for the smell or because it’s a social comforting thing. They state "they do not drink coffee, tea colas or energy drinks because of the "CAFFEINE", we say complete utter "BULLSHIT"

Buzzwater. NO MORE BULLSHIT. NO MORE LIES. NO MORE COMPETENT WEB SITE DESIGNERS.

“ZOOMPHORIC, PHANTASMAGORICAL, 8 sided”, “Caffeinated” liquids, captured in 3 dimensional, fluorescent Red, Blue, Green color, reflecting rays of Aurora Borealis light.

Now I'm convinced. Buzzwater is the greatest drink of all time. I'm going to buy a 24-pack today. Heart attack here I come!

– Hassan "Acetone" Mikal

More Awful Link of the Day

This Week on Something Awful...

  • The Fracking Fables of Groggery Gibbonman

    The Fracking Fables of Groggery Gibbonman

    ‘Toad coin?’ wondered the traveler as he examined the pebble. It did not look all that different from any other pebble, and certainly nothing like a coin. ‘What manner of coin has no head or tail, and bears no seal or flag? Who backs this toad coin, the toad bank? The toad treasury!?’ The traveler laughed, but the toads croaked sternly back at him.

  • Your Dog is Totally Worth Refrigerated Food

    Your Dog is Totally Worth Refrigerated Food

    Spending $10-15 a day on perishable organic dog food is not a sign of a decadent culture in terminal decline, it's actually real good and worth it.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.