Texas Shrine Clown Association, submitted by me. It's common knowledge that few things in life are scarier than clowns. One of these things is an organized pack of clowns that are very likely packing heat. The Texas Shrine Clown Association is a group of clowns who also happen to be shriners. They get together, have meetings about vague things, record minutes of these boring meetings, and have clown competitions which are governed by these spectacular rules:
Participating Clowns, acts or stunts per A.N.O.N.M.S. shall:
a. Not drink any intoxicating beverages before or while in make-up and costume.
b. Not wear a costume or use any equipment that may be offensive to this Association or to the general public
c. Not use any obscene gestures or language while appearing in costume, make-up or uniform.
d. Not impersonate a woman, race or other minority group, which might reflect unfavorably upon the Association.
e. Not smoke in costume in public. The use of DEAD cigar butts will be allowed for tramp costumes.
f. Not use any live animals or fowl, domestic or wild, nor reptiles.
g. Not use full or partial face mask of any type.
h. Strive to look their best as a true clown.
i. Not abuse spectators by subjecting them to practical humiliating jokes or by squirting or shocking.
Don't forget the Prayer Of A Clown. You got that? Don't you ever forget the Prayer Of A Clown.
Help me to create more laughter than tears,
dispense more happiness than gloom,
spread more cheer than despair.
Never let me grow so big that I will fail to
see the wonder in the eyes of a child or the
twinkle in the eyes of the aged.
Never let me forget that I am a clown....
that my work is to cheer people up,
make them happy, and make them laugh,
make them forget momentarily all the
unpleasant things in their lives....
Never let me jeopardize the integrity
of clowndom by improper conduct.
Help me to always make others proud of
my actions as a clown
Never let me acquire financial success to
the point where I will discontinue calling
upon my Creator in the hour of plenty.
As the cherry on top of this sundae of peculiarity, their website is pretty ugly. There's even a label at the bottom of the front page that reads "best if viewed by Internet Explorer 800x600" that might as well read "best if viewed by a Compaq in 1998".
The human anatomy is home to more than three hundred organs. Doctors and chocolatiers agree that the vast majority of these revolting lumps of tissue serve little to no function. If you find yourself standing in a long line or stuck at the airport waiting for a delayed flight, consider taking a few minutes to remove the following from your person.
Do you have what it takes to make it on the ballot?
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