Shatter the Darkness, submitted by Odin the Asexual. Lucifer holds the entire world in his thrall, corrupting the youth with vague evils that are indoctrinating them into a Satanic cabal. Only Shatter the Darkness and their militant anti-blood-ritual ministry can save us from his evil. You may just want to rethink your next blood ritual to Satan, buddy, because Shatter the Darkness might just come knocking on your door.
SEEKING TO UNCOVER-REVEAL AND
THE SATANIC AGENDA
SECRET SOCIETIES-COVENS AND THE ACTS OF
INVESTIGATION AND INTERVENTION
OF CULT CRIME
The history of how Shatter the Darkness was formed reads like Christian black metal lyrics. Read the following aloud in your best Cannibal Corpse voice:
WE FORMED A TEAM AND I CALLED IT 'SHATTER'.
WE SOON FOUND OUT THAT THIS DARK WEB WAS MUCH DEEPER THAT ANYONE KNEW.
THERE WERE THE ADULTS WHO TAUGHT THE YOUTH.
THERE WERE THE 'EXPERTS' WHO TAUGHT THE ADULTS.
THE STREAM FLOWED DEEPER AND WAS MUCH DARKER.
VICTIMS OF RITUAL ABUSE BEGAN TO SHOW UP.
WE READ ALL WE COULD AND TRAINED OURSELVES WITH EVERY SEMINAR AND INFORMATION WE COULD FIND.
MORE AND MORE VICTIMS CAME.
WE TRACKED THE PERPETRATORS OF THIS EVIL.
WE WERE OVERWHELMED WITH HOW MANY WANTED OUT.
THE POWER OF GOD WAS DISPLAYED OVER THE POWERS OF DARKNESS.
It's in all caps so you know it's meant to be shouted over pounding double bass line. Without all these crazy religious people the Internet would pretty much be you searching Yahoo through Google and then downloading pornography.
If that boy isn't willing to shoot his laser and get you that carbon, he's not worth your time.
REFORMED HOG - Former member of the swine family, has now agreed to behave like a proper dog. Free to patient home willing to overlook physical defects. 555-2519
Available in Large, which is actually a Medium stretched out to appear bigger.
If you're in a tight spot, this is going to be really helpful (I'M JOKING. I'M KIDDING AROUND)
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