Shatter the Darkness, submitted by Odin the Asexual. Lucifer holds the entire world in his thrall, corrupting the youth with vague evils that are indoctrinating them into a Satanic cabal. Only Shatter the Darkness and their militant anti-blood-ritual ministry can save us from his evil. You may just want to rethink your next blood ritual to Satan, buddy, because Shatter the Darkness might just come knocking on your door.



5
EXPOSURE
SEEKING TO UNCOVER-REVEAL AND
EXPOSE
THE SATANIC AGENDA
SECRET SOCIETIES-COVENS AND THE ACTS OF
RADICAL EVIL
INVESTIGATION AND INTERVENTION
OF CULT CRIME

The history of how Shatter the Darkness was formed reads like Christian black metal lyrics. Read the following aloud in your best Cannibal Corpse voice:

WE FORMED A TEAM AND I CALLED IT 'SHATTER'.
WE SOON FOUND OUT THAT THIS DARK WEB WAS MUCH DEEPER THAT ANYONE KNEW.
THERE WERE THE ADULTS WHO TAUGHT THE YOUTH.
THERE WERE THE 'EXPERTS' WHO TAUGHT THE ADULTS.
THE STREAM FLOWED DEEPER AND WAS MUCH DARKER.
VICTIMS OF RITUAL ABUSE BEGAN TO SHOW UP.
WE READ ALL WE COULD AND TRAINED OURSELVES WITH EVERY SEMINAR AND INFORMATION WE COULD FIND.
MORE AND MORE VICTIMS CAME.
WE TRACKED THE PERPETRATORS OF THIS EVIL.
WE WERE OVERWHELMED WITH HOW MANY WANTED OUT.
THE POWER OF GOD WAS DISPLAYED OVER THE POWERS OF DARKNESS.

It's in all caps so you know it's meant to be shouted over pounding double bass line. Without all these crazy religious people the Internet would pretty much be you searching Yahoo through Google and then downloading pornography.

– Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons (@sexyfacts4u)

More Awful Link of the Day

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Lair Flair!

    Lair Flair!

    Your lair. Maybe you lure victims to it, maybe you hide in it between killings, or maybe you haunt it 24/7 because you’re tragically confined by a curse. Whatever the situation, for most of us monsters, a living/un-living space is an important part of our identities. In this column, Monstergeddon award winners share their lair tips and techniques!

  • SkyMall Product Review: Bark Deterring Ultrasonic Collar

    SkyMall Product Review: Bark Deterring Ultrasonic Collar

    Works great on my child, who hasn't barked at all for as long as she's worn the apparatus. When she turns three, we will remove it for a trial period.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.