A Horrid Post on the Blog of Harry Knowles, submitted by j.c. dracula. Contemptible Cinemaphile and undulating lardbody Harry Knowles has updated his Blog with a new entry that shames his “Blade 2 is like eating a vagina” review when it comes to raw shamefulness. I am referring to his recent love letter to the creators of NBC’s bland comic book drama “Heroes”. In this brief but unbearable outing, Knowles waxes philosophical about the regenerative properties of a certain teenage girl’s hymen and how such a trait might please her suitors.
Ok - now never mind that she fulfills the underage cheerleading limber blond virginal demographic. That's pretty delicious.
But they gave her the ability to regenerate and resucitate from any and all injuries.
This power has decided to manifest itself before she's lost her virginity.
Which means - everytime she has sex, she's a virgin as her hymen will repair itself. Meaning that everytime she's fucked, its like she's being fucked for the very first time.
I don’t even want to picture Harry Knowles hiding under a blanket, let alone picture him rising each morning like a hillock of melting candlewax to pierce the Promethean maidenhead of a 16-year old nymph chained to his radiator.
|This grotesque gingery sycophant...||wrote an article about this 16 year old girl...||and her magical fantasy supergrip pussy|
Hey, I could sugar-coat it for you, absolve Knowles of blame by throwing around words like "joke", but the truth is Harry Knowles has been drooling over actress Hayden Panettiere's self-sealing honeywall.
A normal man’s blog might not be worthy of mockery for something like this, but Harry Knowles is actually quoted on the cases of movies. The next time you see his name on some effects-laden comic book shit pile like Daredevil, remember that this is the same guy that fantasized about the juices of Blade 2 running down his chin as he slurps on its clitoris.
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
Awful Links of the Day spotlights the worst and weirdest websites on the internet. And we're not talking "weird" in a good way either.