The Jedi Hurtaholic Archive, submitted by Greg. This site scared the hell out of me when I first found it. The subject matter is disturbing enough but that's not what specifically frightened me; I'm used to this kind of horrible crap by now. No, the volume is what got me. There are well over a hundred stories on this site, many of them very long, all devoted to Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan from "The Phantom Menace". Some of the stories are dull but definitely fucked up emotional tales - homoerotic love stories with a light bondage element - but the majority of them are violent and graphic depictions of hot Jedi on Jedi action. It's not just limited to Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan either!

Gently, he pulled out of the other man, heart tearing as he heard the hiss of breath between Qui-Gon's clenched teeth at the unexpected withdrawal. Rolling onto his side, he took his lover with him, until they were chest to chest, Qui-Gon's head resting on his shoulder. Softly, he began to card a hand through the waterfall of silvering hair.

"Talk to me, Qui-Gon. Tell me what's going on."

There was silence, as Qui-Gon considered the question and collected his thoughts. He drew in a deep breath, unable to stop the shiver of doubt that coursed through him.

Mace's grip tightened, unwilling to allow the self-torture to continue. "Qui-Gon..."

"He lied to me."

Okay, let me get this straight. They're writing a combination porno and gay romance novel about Jedi from Star Wars? What motivates people to write crap like this? I would make fun of writing Battlestar Galactica bondage gay sex fiction, but I'm sure it's already being huge quantities.

PS - If you're into Hurting Jedis then sign his guestbook!

– Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons (@sexyfacts4u)

More Awful Link of the Day

This Week on Something Awful...

  • We Are Ready to Announce That Grimace is Human

    We Are Ready to Announce That Grimace is Human

    It's true. Grimace is human. God help us, we did our best for him.

  • Lair Flair!

    Lair Flair!

    Your lair. Maybe you lure victims to it, maybe you hide in it between killings, or maybe you haunt it 24/7 because you’re tragically confined by a curse. Whatever the situation, for most of us monsters, a living/un-living space is an important part of our identities. In this column, Monstergeddon award winners share their lair tips and techniques!

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.