Apparently, not having a girlfriend leaves you all sorts of free time to devote to the betterment of mankind. Not that I would know anything about that, because I am a staunch asexual and proud sufferer of Aspergers Syndrome, but I'm pretty sure that if a few of you breeders out there stopped chasing girls, we'd have a cure for cancer in a fortnight. For example, if Albert Einstein (another proud Aspergarian) had stayed with his wife, we might have been left without one of the most important achievements of the 20th century: 1994's romantic-comedy "I.Q." starring Meg Ryan and Walter Mathau.

Voted "Most Likely To Make A Something Awful Writer Feel Better About His Life" 1987.Far more importantly than anything that hack Einstein ever did, however, is the way jackthevideoguy channels his repressed rage at his female-imposed celibacy - rather than solving the mysteries of the universe, jackthevideoguy has devoted himself to making wacky-ass YouTube videos. I think I speak for everyone who give a fuck when I say that QBASIC Nerd is his crowning achievement; and since "everyone who gives a fuck" is basically "me but only because I'm getting paid", I'm afraid you'll have to trust me when I say that this video is perhaps the most awesome shit I've ever seen in my entire life.

Warning: Ask yourself the following before watching, because this video is possibly so amazing that your head may literally fucking explode.

  1. Are you nursing, pregnant, or may become pregnant?
  2. Are you on any immuno-inhibitors?
  3. Do you hate videos by dorky looking white guys who sing lyrics about programming an RPG in QBASIC over a MIDI loop that sounds like it was bundled with their Sound Blaster 16 ISA card circa 1992?
  4. Do you like saying "yes" to things?

If you answered no to most of these questions, then please click the play button and prepare to have your life injected with some Vitamin ROCK. Don't trust me? Take it from fellow YouTuber "WeirdAlGamer":

Critics Corner™

"its qbasic an program to write program in and stuff if so wher can i get it and is it any beter program to writ programs in? and how dose it work?"

"its so cool"

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About This Column

As you may have noticed, the most popular viral videos at any given time are amazingly banal, annoying, and cliched pieces of waste. It almost seems as if the internet naturally gravitates towards the worst possible Youtube and Google video selections. So it stands to reason that if the terrible videos become popular, then the unpopular videos must be awesome! We here at Something Awful present to you AwfulVision™, our own patented service dedicated to showcasing a wide selection of unpopular videos that apparently must be good! Welcome to Web 3.9. Welcome to AwfulVision™!

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