Submitted by Tanawat L.
HiLa, we NeEd to TaLk.
HiLa, YoUr oWn family WoN't TaLk to yOu because they're ashamed, yOu HaVe no Youtube FaNs aNd ThUs, tHe responsibility fOr setting yOu straight is MiNe. IT's CoMe to my attention ThAt yOu ThINk ThAt SaRAh Silverman, THe Lonely Island aNd Ke$Ha aRe ThREe cultural phenomena ThAt NeEd to be MiXEd.
HiLa, I DoN't KnOw hOw to sAy ThIs, so I'm JuSt GoINg to sAy it: yOu aRe WrONg. HiLa, iT's barely FuNNy WhEn tHe people you're ripping oFf do ThEIr schtick, lEt AlONe yOu. Do yOu really ThINk rapping AbOUt having a YeASt infection is FuNNy? It IsN't aNd everyone listening to YoUr SoNg doesn't ThINK "wOw, WhAt a FuNNy YoUNg LaDy", ThEy ThINk "DaMn, BiTCH PuSSy LoOk LiKe a fukken corned-BeEf sandwich, lOl".
No, HiLa, ThIs IsN't JuSt a PhASe YoU'Re GoINg through. If it wAs, yOu wouldn't HaVe DoNe ThIs "SoNg" LiVe.
YoUNg LaDy, do yOu MiNd explaining ThIs... ThINg we FoUNd UnDEr YoUr bEd? No, nOt tHe XaNAx. I'm talking AbOUt ThIs: a notebook marked "AlBUm CoVEr ideas". THe VeRy FiRSt PaGe? YoUr NaMe spelled WiTh tWo up-turned glocks fOr L's aNd a sketch of YoUr FaCe WiTh NoTEs ThAt ReAd... "pUt 'oNe iLl BiTCh' spelled oUt in photoshopped cUm HeRe" WiTh an ArROw pointing to YoUr sketch's MoUTh.
*SlAPs ShUt BoOk*
HiLa, yOu... LoOk: yOu MaDe YoUr mother cRy. ARe yOu PrOUd of yourself? YOu shouldn't be. ShAMe on yOu, HiLa. ShAMe on yOu.
Obviously, the first thing necessary to getting back in shape is buying a bunch of expensive knick-knacks.
Finally, a look at the candidate's long-delayed tax returns.
As you may have noticed, the most popular viral videos at any given time are amazingly banal, annoying, and cliched pieces of waste. It almost seems as if the internet naturally gravitates towards the worst possible Youtube and Google video selections. So it stands to reason that if the terrible videos become popular, then the unpopular videos must be awesome! We here at Something Awful present to you AwfulVision™, our own patented service dedicated to showcasing a wide selection of unpopular videos that apparently must be good! Welcome to Web 3.9. Welcome to AwfulVision™!