My 3-year-old niece on the subject of lions:
My parents told me this happened when I was about 3 or 4.
Description of a monster:
"They say it's as big as four cats! And it's got a retractable leg so it can leap up at you better! And it lights up at night, and it's got four ears - two of them are for listening and the other two are just kind of backup ears. And its claws are as big as cups, and for some reason it's got a tremendous fear of stamps! And Mrs Doyle was telling me it's got magnets on its tail, so if you're made out of metal it can attach it to you! And instead of a mouth it's got four arses!"
Perfect Eggs Every Time: Hold an egg in your cupped hands. Put your hands over a fire, squeezing them together gently to crack the egg open. Try not to let any egg liquid or egg shell fall out between your fingers.
Absolve me of my past fines, so that I may checkout again.
You cant go around life being smart in an unconventional way, it could change the world.
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.