My cousin's kid at age 6 or 7 on cats:
There used to be green cats but they turned into plants because they slept too much.
Child - "I want some shoes"
Me - "What kind of shoes?"
Child - "I want some whale shoes"
Me - "Oh, like shoes with whales on them?"
Child - "No, I want shoes like what whales wear"
Nobler Than Lettuce
"I have an Ostrich!"
"Yes. He kicks people. My Ostrich will kick you."
"Yeah. I fly him."
"On a string?"
"Nooooo. I ride him and he flies."
Ferguson's long arm of the law laments the latest cutback.
Simply put, if I had Johnny Manziel’s physical gifts, you better believe I would be there in the Weight Room, getting to bed early, doing whatever I had to do to be the best possible athlete I could be. I wouldn't be posting on social media about sucking titties. I wouldn't even look at a titty, buddy. I'd look at a titty and see two big footballs.
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.