My cousin's kid at age 6 or 7 on cats:
There used to be green cats but they turned into plants because they slept too much.
Child - "I want some shoes"
Me - "What kind of shoes?"
Child - "I want some whale shoes"
Me - "Oh, like shoes with whales on them?"
Child - "No, I want shoes like what whales wear"
Nobler Than Lettuce
"I have an Ostrich!"
"Yes. He kicks people. My Ostrich will kick you."
"Yeah. I fly him."
"On a string?"
"Nooooo. I ride him and he flies."
"Really, Holmes!" I dropped into my seat, shocked. "You are remarkably tall! What are you, six foot six? Six foot eight?"
As the 19th century diver approaches a giant clam, a flash of brilliant golden light flares from within the shell. I emerge in a swirl of bubbles and do the timeless universal underwater hand signals for the following: ZODIAC KILLER, KKK, BLOOD OF YOUTH
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.