In my 10th grade biology class I had the pleasure of hearing one of my classmates theories about why the ocean water levels are rising. It went something like this
"Well, you know how when you put a bunch of stuff in water it takes up space and makes the level of the water rise? Well then, what if the ocean level is really being caused by all of the boats we're putting in there?"
Honors Biology, junior year of high school.
"But Doctor Brown, how do we know brontosauruses didn't eat people?"
I have a few shining examples from high school:
In Global History II, the teacher actually had to explain to the class why Stalin was bad. She started the class with, "Some of your essays said that Stalin was good. That's like saying that Hitlet was good. There's something wrong with that." If that was the honors class, I'd hate to know what the normal classes wrote in their essays.
In Creative Writing and Journalism, one of the kids remarked, "I can't read this story. If my mommy was here, she wouldn't let me." (that's insane coming from an 11th grader).
In English class, there were people who refused to say the word "ass" when we were reading Shakespeare out loud.
Some chick in one of my 10th grade classes: "Is Canada a country?"
In a high school film appreciation a girl turned in a paper titled "Why Lake Placid is the Greatest Movie Ever", I wish I could have read it.
"I can't answer any questions today, I'm sick with strep throat."
"Then maybe you should go home so we don't get sick at school."
"AHH, I can't miss school or I can't exempt my finals."
"But you could get other students sick and force them in the same boat."
"You can't get sick from me, I'm not contagious. I caught it from someone else!"
About a month ago, my Environmental Science class did a presentation about global warming. Afterwards, each member of the class had to lead a discussion group consisting of 7th-12th graders. In my group there was this one 8th grader who was just drawing on the board completely blowing off everything I was saying. So I asked him what his thoughts on global warming were.
"I don't really care about global warming because it won't affect me."
11th Grade History. Can't ever forget it.
"Why did the US attack Pearl Harbor?"
Did Louis C.K. jerk off in front of two female comics? And why are these ladies squandering an opportunity to learn from a comedy legend?
Elliot said my breakup must have been due to the sweater curse, an unexplained phenomenon where anyone who gives their significant other a hand-knit sweater gets dumped. The only way to break the curse, Elliot said, was to destroy the sweater.
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