In my college psychology class we were talking about the ethics of testing medicine on animals when some girl in the back busts out this gem.
Girl: "So like, instead of testing on mice and monkeys, why don't we just test on the like starving people in Africa? I mean, they're going to die anyways right?"
She was serious too.
A few years ago I was in a somewhat renowned private school, the kind you have to sit an exam to get into, low percentile of students that actually get in, that kind of thing.
Someone in the library asked me "How do you spell 'human'?"
I told him I didn't know.
It was one of the first days of Bio 100 and the professor had us making a list of things that all organisms need to survive. As we called them out, she wrote them on the board: oxygen, water, an energy source, etc. After we had about 8 items on the board, the professor said that there were a few items on the list that didn't belong.
A girl in our class decided to go first on picking out a wrong item: "Oxygen doesn't belong on that list."
The professor, impressed, asked why.
"Fish don't need it. They live underwater."
In an Intro to World Geography class my freshmen year, the teacher was talking about the international date line when one student raised his hand and asked, "Is that how time travel works?"
The teacher just looked at him and the student said, "If you kept circling the globe and crossing the international date line, you could go into the future or back to the past, right."
He was dead serious.
That's all you're going to get for this week's Comedy Goldmine 101. I hope you've all taken notes, because I'm looking for MORE ridiculous statements you've heard in class. Do you have something to contribute? Would you like to feel the rush of having something you've written APPEAR ON THE INTERNET? Then head on over here to give me your experiences of stupid statements heard in your class. Unless you are home schooled, in which case it would probably be better not to make fun because no normal person can relate to your situation, WEIRDO!!!
Thanks to all of the forum goons who contributed to the Goldmine this week. Next week I will writing some erotic fiction pairing Phoebe from Friends with Moe from The Simpsons. The results might just surprise you. I really hope you will consider joining me then!
The treacherous New England Patriots are guilty of deflating their footballs. We must punish them severely in the name of holy retribution. This transgression has been the biggest headline in the United States for an entire week, and it should be the primary concern of all nations.
We have used extensive market research to determine the average consumers of America's favorite rolls of caramel-oozing choco cysts.
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.