There is one kid in my English class who spouts off gems like this everyday:
"Just think, the sand you walk in could have been walked in by a dinosaur!"
"I thought sand was a new thing."
Today, while watching a movie there are kangaroos onscreen:
"What the HELL are those things?"
There's also this girl in some of my classes that is a good student but not very clever, my friend and I decided to mess with her:
"What's bigger, a square or a rectangle?"
"It would depend on the size, duh."
(Me) "They're the same dimensions."
"If evolution is true, how come there aren't monkeys crawlin' out of the oceans?"
In high school zoology.
In biology class:
"And birds reproduce sexually. That means they lay eggs."
"Birds have sex?"
In some first responder class, the instructor was talking about administering oxygen and some student commented by saying "Isn't pure oxygen like that poisonous?"
"How does condensation form on a glass?"
"It's the water moving through the glass!"
The kid was a home schooled fundie. Poor guy.
I forget exactly WHAT we were talking about in my college algebra class, but this complete ditz/slut raises her hand and goes "Yeah, but is zero positive or negative?! I don't get it!"
"What was the name of that war, you know, where we had a revolution against England?"
"You mean the Revolutionary War??"
How do you get into an upper level American history class and not know those things???
I wrote a thesis paper on Bertrand Russell's essay "Why I Am Not a Christian," and at the end of my presentation some dipshit girl asked me who Bert and Russell were.
What the fuck?
I gave my best "Are you shitting me?" look to my teacher and said, "Next question."
Also, in my economics class as a senior in high school this girl who is notorious for being a dumbass asked this gem: "Why can't we just print more money to give to poor people?"
'We’re going to be in trouble!' Little Sister wailed, clutching her favorite book to her chest and sobbing. 'This isn’t fun like a story anymore!' But Big Sister was not listening, she was thinking. She grabbed Little Sister’s book from her and ran into town, yelling 'Help! A book made me and my sister hurt someone!'
I've been wanting to meet you all for the past few weeks, but I guess I cut an intimidating figure. I'm the new guy, with the cool job you've all surely been gossiping about. Yep, I'm the Lead Loremaster, and I'm here to enrich everything we do with much-needed lore.
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.