There is one kid in my English class who spouts off gems like this everyday:
"Just think, the sand you walk in could have been walked in by a dinosaur!"
"I thought sand was a new thing."
Today, while watching a movie there are kangaroos onscreen:
"What the HELL are those things?"
There's also this girl in some of my classes that is a good student but not very clever, my friend and I decided to mess with her:
"What's bigger, a square or a rectangle?"
"It would depend on the size, duh."
(Me) "They're the same dimensions."
"If evolution is true, how come there aren't monkeys crawlin' out of the oceans?"
In high school zoology.
In biology class:
"And birds reproduce sexually. That means they lay eggs."
"Birds have sex?"
In some first responder class, the instructor was talking about administering oxygen and some student commented by saying "Isn't pure oxygen like that poisonous?"
"How does condensation form on a glass?"
"It's the water moving through the glass!"
The kid was a home schooled fundie. Poor guy.
I forget exactly WHAT we were talking about in my college algebra class, but this complete ditz/slut raises her hand and goes "Yeah, but is zero positive or negative?! I don't get it!"
"What was the name of that war, you know, where we had a revolution against England?"
"You mean the Revolutionary War??"
How do you get into an upper level American history class and not know those things???
I wrote a thesis paper on Bertrand Russell's essay "Why I Am Not a Christian," and at the end of my presentation some dipshit girl asked me who Bert and Russell were.
What the fuck?
I gave my best "Are you shitting me?" look to my teacher and said, "Next question."
Also, in my economics class as a senior in high school this girl who is notorious for being a dumbass asked this gem: "Why can't we just print more money to give to poor people?"
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
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