There is one kid in my English class who spouts off gems like this everyday:

"Just think, the sand you walk in could have been walked in by a dinosaur!"

"I thought sand was a new thing."

Today, while watching a movie there are kangaroos onscreen:

"What the HELL are those things?"

There's also this girl in some of my classes that is a good student but not very clever, my friend and I decided to mess with her:

"What's bigger, a square or a rectangle?"

"It would depend on the size, duh."

(Me) "They're the same dimensions."

"The rectangle?"

"If evolution is true, how come there aren't monkeys crawlin' out of the oceans?"

In high school zoology.

In biology class:

"And birds reproduce sexually. That means they lay eggs."

"Birds have sex?"

In some first responder class, the instructor was talking about administering oxygen and some student commented by saying "Isn't pure oxygen like that poisonous?"

JC Chem101.

"How does condensation form on a glass?"

"It's the water moving through the glass!"

The kid was a home schooled fundie. Poor guy.

I forget exactly WHAT we were talking about in my college algebra class, but this complete ditz/slut raises her hand and goes "Yeah, but is zero positive or negative?! I don't get it!"

"What was the name of that war, you know, where we had a revolution against England?"

"You mean the Revolutionary War??"

How do you get into an upper level American history class and not know those things???

I wrote a thesis paper on Bertrand Russell's essay "Why I Am Not a Christian," and at the end of my presentation some dipshit girl asked me who Bert and Russell were.

What the fuck?

I gave my best "Are you shitting me?" look to my teacher and said, "Next question."

Also, in my economics class as a senior in high school this girl who is notorious for being a dumbass asked this gem: "Why can't we just print more money to give to poor people?"

More Comedy Goldmine

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.

  • Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver

    Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.