Trapezoid found himself with a fat anime Homer.

vanilla wafer got a cry for help.

Waxmetal's artist knew that The Simpsons were a slap in the face of Jesus Christ and decided to make a stand against the evil bile that pollutes our TV channels.

Wezzo was drawn David Brent from the original, British version of The Office.

Finally, Whispering Machines was given Sir Ben Kingsley.

It's clear to see that the experiment was a success, and let's hope that all of the individuals displaying clear signs of mental instability received the help they needed. Thanks to the forum goons for pestering their parents to draw pictures for the internet. I know how much you guys hate your moms and dads, so we all appreciate the sacrifices you went to. Next Tuesday will see another Comedy Goldmine because I refuse to stop writing. Lowtax stopped commissioning these articles some time in late 2006 but I found a backdoor exploit to upload material onto the live site. Don't tell the other writers, but do join me next week!

– Craig "Russ" Russell

More Comedy Goldmine

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Get In The God Dang Weight Room, Johnny Manziel!

    Get In The God Dang Weight Room, Johnny Manziel!

    Simply put, if I had Johnny Manziel’s physical gifts, you better believe I would be there in the Weight Room, getting to bed early, doing whatever I had to do to be the best possible athlete I could be. I wouldn't be posting on social media about sucking titties. I wouldn't even look at a titty, buddy. I'd look at a titty and see two big footballs.

  • Helping Your Real Friends Move

    Helping Your Real Friends Move

    A real friend doesn't move until the middle of August, ensuring temperatures in the 90s and a humidity that turns boxers into moist balls of ruined cotton.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.