Topkid: ACLU

Topkid: Junk Bonds

Topkid: Kofi Annan

Vanilla: Friendly Fire

velvetelvis: Iran Contra

velvetelvis: Israeli Incursion on the West Bank

velvetelvis: The Victim Suffered Burns on Over 90% of his Body

Verloc: Gun Control

Vitriol: Guerilla Operation

Ok guys, that's it. Painful but cathartic, as always. Personally, I won't be looking at headlines in quite the same way for at least an hour or two. Maybe even three, who knows? I do know that I will see all of your beatific faces back here next week, same bat-time, same bat-channel. In the mean time, stay out of trouble and remember my very good and helpful advice about the ease of living life on a mistake-by-mistake basis.

– Emily "Integral" Reigel

More Comedy Goldmine

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Advanced Level Sexy Catcalls

    Advanced Level Sexy Catcalls

    Hows about you, me, and five uncomfortable minutes in my basement apartment next to the dusty Christmas tree that's still up from my last visit with my estranged children.

  • Zagat's Guide to Poor Person Eating

    Zagat's Guide to Poor Person Eating

    The Upper Kitchen Cabinet Where Your Roommate Keeps His Food: You’ll 'need the footstool' to reach your roommate’s 'fine selection' of 'stale cereal,' but he'll never notice if 'only a little is missing from each box.' Feel less guilty by reminding yourself that Jeff 'acts weird around your girlfriend,' and always 'asks about her.' What a 'creep.'

Copyright ©2015 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.