Kimasu v2.0: I was in line at our post office one afternoon (long line, 10-15 people), and there was this very large and very loud whale of a woman buying some stamps or whatever with her two fat little monster children. After she finished, she walked halfway to the door when her daughter announces that she has to go to the bathroom. I'm watching this whole thing because I have nothing better to do.
So they run all the way around to the other end of the building (where there is no bathroom), and comes back to the clerk, interrupting the other customer, and says:
Lard Beast: Where are your bathrooms?
Mail Person: We don't have any public bathrooms ma'am.
MP: I'm sorry ma'am, but you can try across the street at the city building.
LB: This is outrageous! You mean you don't have any bathrooms at all?
*continue for a couple minutes*
Finally the lady decides she's had enough and walks off talking to her kids "I can't believe there's no bathrooms here! I'm calling the President blah blah blah." The mail clerk just yells out "Have a nice day!" and once she's outside the whole lobby starts laughing.
Escape Key: I've never been so... "fortunate" to work in retail myself (I DID however work in a petfood factory once, but I'll leave those stories for a rainy day), but a friend of mine worked in a computer store about 10 years ago. Being a geek myself I went round there once in a while after school.
Ignorant customer appears, buys sound card and leaves. Phone call 10 minutes later:
Customer: "The sound card doesn't work"
Friend: "Well have you installed it in your computer"
C: "Duh... how do I do that?"
F: "Well there should be instructions inside the case."
So happy with this the customer hangs up, only to call back 20 minutes later:
C: "I've installed the sound card but it still wont play any sounds"
F: "Well have you installed the software drivers?"
C: "How do I do that?"
F: "Inside the box there should be some floppy disks. Insert disk 1 and follow the written instruction"
C: "OK... well, there's 3 1/2 inch floppies and 5 1/4, which should I use"
F: "That doesn't matter, they contain the same drivers and sample applications"
C: "So can I use the 5 1/4 inch floppies?"
F: "Sure you can, insert disk one and start installing"
C: "But I don't have a 5 1/4 inch drive"
at which point my friend had to terminate the conversation as he was ROFL.
Quik Stop: Ok Barnes and Noble stories!
One time the phone rang. This was not uncommon, and actually I usually preferred phone people to those actually in the store so I picked up.
Me: "Good morning, barnes and Noble Manhasset, how may I help you."
Her: "Yes, hello..I'm looking for a book."
Me: "Well, we have plenty of em, which one is it that you're looking for."
Her: "Well, I'm not sure exactly of the title."
Me: "Ok, what do you know about the book, I'll try to figure it out."
Her: "Well, I know that it has an author."
Me: "Ok, well that describes...every book ever. What else do you know?"
Her: "Well, I know that it's blue and it's this big."
Me: "Erhm, how big??"
Her: "This big!"
Me: "You realize I can't SEE you over the phone...right?"
Her: ::embarrassed:: "Oh, I'm sorry."
ultrariot: I once had someone ask me, in all seriousness, where we kept the pianos.
I work at Office Max.
ryanbruce: So one day, during one of our many sales, we have a DVD player with a $20 MIR on it. This old guy buys one, and as a coworker explains how to get the MIR (Instructions are on receipt, but people are idiots) when she gets to the part about the UPC. The guy totally flips out. Yelling and screaming about how it is his DVD Player and how we had no right to ask for his UPC. "You are right sir, it is your DVD Player, and you don't have to send your UPC. You just wont get your Money" this pissed him off even more. Now he's yelling at the top of his lungs, sounding like he's about to cry. Now the man and my coworker are feeding off the other person's anger, because they keep getting louder and louder... Eventually, it takes me and another employee to calm them down. Once the guy returns the DVD player, he storms out stamping his feet and hitting walls on his way out. When he left, all the other people in the store cheered and applauded. Man I hate retail.
Holy shit, dudes, that's it. These people have it tough. We should remember them when we are relaxing with a cold beer or a hot mug of something brown in front of a good TV show because meanwhile they will propbably still be stuck working their asses off for minumum wage in retail hell. Bummer for them. See you next week, and keep those teeth clean in the meantime!
He had a yellow inflatable tube around his waist, the kind with a comical duck head. There was a tiny fish in one of his hands, and a trident in the other. In the background a squirrel wearing shades was water skiing.
Republicans announce that all legislation must be voted on at 2am in a secret chamber, with no one but the lobbyists who write the bills seeing a single line of text. Democrats' Response: Stumbling around a field stepping on rakes, handles smashing them directly in their faces every single time.
For fans of meaningless awards, these awards are extra meaningless.
The Comedy Goldmine examines the funniest and most creative threads from the Something Awful Forums. Although the Comedy Goldmine has changed authors many times over the years, its focus on the Something Awful Forums is still the same. Includes hilarious Photoshops, amusing work stories, parodies, and other types of oddball humor.