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Henchman Status Updates: Astro Panic

Thursday, January 22, 2009 by Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons (@sexyfacts4u)

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Henchman Status Update (3 of 5)
The status of Aaaaaah! has been changed from ACTIVE to DECEASED.
Name: Spiders, Lots of (DECEASED)
Codename(s): Aaaaaah!
Join Date: 1-12-09
Primary Role: Scurrying
Secondary Role: Teeming, swarming, and skittering
Specialties: Voted Most Likely to Swarm Over An Unwary Enemy by the users of Lurkers and Traps Online, 3rd Best Pit Filler of 2006 by L&T's quarterly magazine, and records the second highest swarm kills annually next to only rabid bats and starving rats.

Availability: On Hire (hire)
Contracted To: Adverse Interests, LLC.
Term of Hire: 30 days or d/c/f

DEATH PAYOUT: n/a

Average Customer Rating: (rate)

Customer Review:
Great value, just be sure to seal everything!
Reviewed by Walt Disney Corporation
We have a corporate retreat in Bermuda, but we only use it about five weeks out of the year. Paying for full time security is a waste of money and it is built on a slave burial ground, so lone novelist/caretakers are out of the question. Thank ungod for Lots of Spiders and Shitloads of Spiders. The price is right and you'll come back to your winter lair with a just a few skeletons and a few thousand spiders to clean up. It beats buying new plasma TVs and teleportation lasers every year. And it definitely is better than paying a satanic cult to perform a ritual of (more)
Circumstance of Contract Liquidation:

Violent decompression of Dreadstation sucked most of these tiny spiders out into the lifeless void of space. What few survived were crushed underfoot by the UNFORCE boarding teams. (more)

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