Henchman Status Update (4 of 5)
The status of Negaglenn has been changed from ACTIVE to ANNIHILATED.
Name: Glenn, Anti-John (ANNIHILATED)
Codename(s): Negaglenn
Join Date: 2-20-62
Primary Role: Evil Astronaut
Secondary Role: Evil pilot, evil senator, evil dad, evil karaoke expert
Specialties: Just like John Glenn only totally evil and made from antimatter, flying into evil space on evil rockets, re-entering evil atmosphere, starring in evil ticker tape parade.

Availability: On Hire (hire)
Contracted To: Adverse Interests, LLC.
Term of Hire: 30 days or d/c/f

DEATH PAYOUT: 100,000 USD to be paid to Fuck Orphans (charity brothel).

Average Customer Rating: (rate)

Customer Review:

WOW!

Reviewed by Joan of Argh
I met the real John Glenn a few years back and I thought he was a big loser. When I heard this guy escaped from the Time Police out of Earth-6 I knew I had to hire him. I thought maybe he would be a fighter, good with guns or something. Wrong. This guy is an animal, in a good way. I saw him kill four T.E.A.M. agents with his bare hands and then jump out an airlock without a space suit and tear the oxygen hose out of the helmet of another and then he kicked off that guy and (more)

Circumstance of Contract Liquidation:

Outnumbered 20 to 1, Negaglenn met the UNFORCE boarding teams head on. He slit the throats of the first two astrotroopers to assault the control center and used the third to black the gyrogun slugs fired in his direction. He then threw the lifeless, slug-riddled corpse at the boarding team and activated Dreadstation's atomic destruct countdown. Snatching up a gyrogun, he shot and killed three more astrotroopers and retreated into the control center. Before he could seal himself in the control center, he was badly wounded by the remaining UNFORCE men. He killed them, but was wounded again. Drinking blood to regain his strength, Negaglenn was confronted wtih his one true weakness: John Glenn. The aging astronaut was the leader of one of the UNFORCE boarding teams. Negaglenn tried to shoot John Glenn, but he was too weak to properly aim his weapon. Unable to escape, Negaglenn was touched on the hand by John Glenn and both were annihilated instantly in an antimatter reaction that (more)

More Features / Articles

This Week on Something Awful...

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.