Far Side For Real
Having the phone ring while consuming live animals is a problem I know all too well. "DaShoe" gets the credit, and advances to the lightning round. Also: there is no lightning round.
"schwenz" endorses suicide. Kill yourself in his name.
"DipesXP" weaves himself a web strong enough to squelch even the mightiest of "WEEEEES!"
"Hoffma" is very good at writing with spider webs.