Zack: A power that turns your genitals into a weapon.
Steve: It's actually a whole charm set that basically lets you fight people with sex moves. Pretty boss if you ask me.
Zack: It is extremely mature.
Steve: An adult theme.
Zack: We're two mature adults, here, right? We can sit around my kitchen table and roll some dice up for when I throw my dick into a nightmare dragon's asshole.
Steve: I'm playing a girl with huuuuuuuge boobs that are like knives.
Steve: Also guns.
Zack: Yeah so this happened in an official product.
Steve: They won't even show this on a porno in a hotel room.Zack: Does that still exist?
Steve: I'm sure it does. What else would old ladies watch when they go to a wedding?
How dare you not read this article. How dare you not click on it. What is wrong with you?
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Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.