Zack: A power that turns your genitals into a weapon.
Steve: It's actually a whole charm set that basically lets you fight people with sex moves. Pretty boss if you ask me.
Zack: It is extremely mature.
Steve: An adult theme.
Zack: We're two mature adults, here, right? We can sit around my kitchen table and roll some dice up for when I throw my dick into a nightmare dragon's asshole.
Steve: I'm playing a girl with huuuuuuuge boobs that are like knives.
Steve: Also guns.
Zack: Yeah so this happened in an official product.
Steve: They won't even show this on a porno in a hotel room.Zack: Does that still exist?
Steve: I'm sure it does. What else would old ladies watch when they go to a wedding?
Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.
Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.
Ignore the hype. Find out how these games will likely go right or wrong.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.