Sand covers almost the entire floor of this once lavishly decorated room. Glints of silver may be seen in the sand near the center of the room.Steve: Finally, some treasure. All these gigs and I haven't been paid once. Yngwulf is diving right in in search of something valuable.
Zack: A thorough search of the sand reveals that the silver glint was dozens of buried dancing bells.
Zack: Dancing bells. Everyone knows about dancing bells. You don't?
Steve: Yeah, of course I do. Dancing bells. Sure, I know all about them. Very valuable.
Zack: They're basically worthless.
Steve: Practically worthless. Anything else in here?
Zack: Yes, there is a door to the south and also you just fell into a pit trap.Steve: Gravity! You stalking horse of Cathy!
Zack: The sandy floor gives way beneath your feet and you and your treasure of dancing bells plummet ten feet to the bottom of a pit. You take 1 point of damage.
Steve: 1 point? That's it? Try harder, Cathy.
Zack: Also you are attacked by a ravenous six-legged rat monster called a baric. Its eyes glow white and it savages you with its claws and bite. You take 4 points of damage.
Steve: Oh man, these points of damage are really adding up. They're adding up to a new song I like to call Blood Frenzy of Lord Young Wolf, Harbinger of the Crimson Wind. I will savage this baric creature back with an intense lick from my axe.Zack: The creature yelps and recoils from the frosty frets. Smoke begins to billow from your guitar.
Steve: I pummel this rat fink with my sonic fury, reducing him to a baric compote. Then reducing him further to a gelatin, then further still until he is no more and erased from history like a bad wizard's deeds.Zack: If it weren't for your injuries you'd believe there never was a baric at all.
Steve: Grappling hook out of this dump. I'm not going through that door to the south either, I'm going back out to the hall and continuing that way. I am way sick of all these pits and I'm not falling for their crap again.
Finding the right hat can feel like walking through a minefield for guys. Did a murderer wear your hat? Was it ruined by bros? Are you just an idiot? Find out with our authoritative ranking of bad hats.
The Amazonians value combat prowess and purity of spirit. By wrestling half naked, they pay homage to both virtues by displaying their battle-forged bodies while preserving as much modesty as their society deems necessary. The gelatin in which they wrestle is symbolic of the fluid nature of battle, a concept the Amazonians call ‘akgor-gra.’
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.