Zack: The idea of this guy running for President is hilarious. It says he has "Typical" resources. Everyone knows to be President you either need to marry a ketchup heiress or write a book about your African dad.
Steve: Or you could just read everyone's minds and then dominate them into obeying your every command by using your magical crown that looks like someone tried to break one of those scholar caps with a karate chop.
Zack: "Um, it's called a Serpent Crown, thank you very much, and thank you for allowing me to wear it to the debate, Gwen Ifill."
Steve: It says Scarlet Witch had the crown for a while. She was always one of the hottest comic book characters. Like some 1950s cheesecake babe who was a witch.
Zack: Scarlet Witch goes all the way back to the 60s. Soon after Bewitched started airing. That might explain why she looks like a pin-up model in a weird witch costume.
Steve: And then she had to go and marry an android who could turn intangible and fly through walls. I bet they got up to all sorts of craziness in the bedroom.
Zack: Just imagine what it was like when she got her hands on President Professor Hazmat's crown. It would be a whole mind-reading S&M scene with earthquakes.
Steve: Sounds about like me last Friday.
Zack: Really? You had some sick S&M scene with earthquakes?
Steve: I rented Super Mario Galaxy from Family Video and got one of those DiGiorno pizzas that comes with breadsticks and I didn't cook it all the way but I ate it anyway, which is sort of masochistic.
Works great on my child, who hasn't barked at all for as long as she's worn the apparatus. When she turns three, we will remove it for a trial period.
This lousy world just gets lousier every year as these stores put out their skeletons and Santas in summer.
Try not to break your console while I try not to break my cyber brain.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.