Zack: The idea of this guy running for President is hilarious. It says he has "Typical" resources. Everyone knows to be President you either need to marry a ketchup heiress or write a book about your African dad.
Steve: Or you could just read everyone's minds and then dominate them into obeying your every command by using your magical crown that looks like someone tried to break one of those scholar caps with a karate chop.
Zack: "Um, it's called a Serpent Crown, thank you very much, and thank you for allowing me to wear it to the debate, Gwen Ifill."
Steve: It says Scarlet Witch had the crown for a while. She was always one of the hottest comic book characters. Like some 1950s cheesecake babe who was a witch.
Zack: Scarlet Witch goes all the way back to the 60s. Soon after Bewitched started airing. That might explain why she looks like a pin-up model in a weird witch costume.
Steve: And then she had to go and marry an android who could turn intangible and fly through walls. I bet they got up to all sorts of craziness in the bedroom.
Zack: Just imagine what it was like when she got her hands on President Professor Hazmat's crown. It would be a whole mind-reading S&M scene with earthquakes.
Steve: Sounds about like me last Friday.
Zack: Really? You had some sick S&M scene with earthquakes?
Steve: I rented Super Mario Galaxy from Family Video and got one of those DiGiorno pizzas that comes with breadsticks and I didn't cook it all the way but I ate it anyway, which is sort of masochistic.
Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.
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Ignore the hype. Find out how these games will likely go right or wrong.
Doing some reps on the water bottle huh. I prefer bench press myself. Just kidding - stay hydrated.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.