The Irish Deer Award
Even a rogue's gallery as anemic as Monster Manual II must have a standout of uselessness and stupidity. The first Monster Manual had the original Irish Deer and the infamous maze-dwelling Morkoth. Monster Manual II brings us the one, the only...
Zack: In the span of two Monster Manuals we've gone from monsters resembling the ceiling, to monsters resembling furniture, to monsters resembling tree stumps. And then there's the executioner's hood, a monster that looks like an executioner's hood.
Steve: The method it uses to hunt isn't adequately described. If I walked into a room and there was an executioner's hood hanging from the ceiling I would probably freak out.
Zack: I think it flattens out into a disc and hides on the ceiling.
Steve: Oh, i skipped over that somehow. So it's like a frisbee that falls on your head and turns into a hood.
Zack: A living Frisbee that evolved eye-holes.
Steve: It's camouflage so if there's a big pile of executioner's masks it can blend in.
Zack: Wherever this thing lives you can bet it becomes the apex predator because none of the other predators know what to do with it.
Steve: Some eagle flying around looking for food and it's just like, "Whoa, hold up. What the hell?"
Zack: A cheetah could outrun the executioner's mask and catch it, I guess. But why bother? It's just going to piss the cheetah off.
Steve: Yeah, but you know mankind is always the top predator. Dudes would figure out some reason to hunt it, like it tastes really good.
Zack: Maybe the humans can skin it and use the skin to make some sort of mask or cap, possibly something that covers the head and face. It could provide a degree of anonymity to the person wearing it.
Steve: Like a balaclava.
Not what I had in mind when I ordered an Italian gondolier. This is literally just a tiny toy. Needless to say, the Italian businessmen were not impressed and I looked like a damn fool. We lost the pizza pie account and will have to lay off half our factory.
Did you know that you only use 10% of your brain? You may have heard that before. But what if you could use 100%? YOU CAN!
Time to applaud the man who applauds in a loop until the end of time.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.