Zack: Oh, here we go.
Steve: Gygax made these up to.
Zack: Steve, a page ago you were complaining about the regular elements not making sense. Einstein took shits too. That doesn't mean his turds proved things about space and time.
Steve: There is a complex and connected philosophy here.
Zack: What, if you combine negative energy and air you end up with a vacuum? What is the point of any of this? It's confusing and stupid. The elemental plane of earth is solid rock. There's no point to it.
Steve: There are small pockets where you can move around.
Zack: And the fire plane. Fire kills people. We've got an entire realm of fire. Do we need one of smoke and ash and charcoal and whatever else? No. Just put all those monsters on the fire planet and make it so people can walk around because it's not completely on fire.
Steve: Yeah, that's what they did in 3rd Edition pretty much.
Zack: Listen to yourself, Steve. You just had a breakthrough. 3rd Edition did something better than how GYGAX planned it. That's Wizards of the Coast.
Steve: I think you have mistaken me for someone who is a dumb idiot. Gygax was like the dude who invented the rocket. That doesn't mean we're taking his rocket to the moon.
Zack: Pike it, berk, the graybeards' ears are burning.
Maria Mitchell is shown holding a telescope to each eye, using them to ogle passing hunks on the street below. OOOGA! Her tongue rolls out like a firehose, her eyes comically bulging through the ends of the telescopes.
The Internet experience of 2014 has been condensed into a single article for your convenience.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.