Zack: The headline screams: NASA MAKES UNEXPECTED DISCOVERY IN OUR SOLAR SYSTEM.
Lowtax:: ASTRONAUT FAILS TO PLANT AMERICAN FLAG ON MOON WHEN HE DISCOVERS IT'S ACTUALLY A GIANT FUCKING SKELETON HEAD.
Zack: We don't orbit the sun, as originally believed, but instead we orbit a skeleton ten times the size of the earth that is orbiting the sun.
Lowtax:: "Wait what is this thing? I didn't order this. What is it? It's a planet, isn't it? Well I don't want it and I'm not going to pay for it and you can't make me."
Zack: He banks earth off the door and straight into the trashcan.
Zack: Where it belongs!
Lowtax:: Obama's Space Skeleton!
Lowtax:: Palin warned us all and now the chickens have come home to roost. In space. On top of a giant skeleton torso.
Zack: I knew Obamacare was going to be bad, but this is ridiculous.
Lowtax:: What are you inferring here?
Zack: He should have gone with a universal option.
Zack: Meaning an even bigger skeleton.
Lowtax:: Your option is: HUMONGOUS SKELETON INHABITING THE UNIVERSE or BUY MORE GUNS.
Zack: The worst part is now that NASA has discovered a gigantic skeleton, they are going to spend 50 years and dozens of space missions searching for water on the skeleton again and again.
Lowtax:: Nah, they'll just give up and China will do it.
Lowtax:: NASA won't even try to find out if his other hand is in prime prance position.
Zack: China isn't going to do bullshit general science. They're going to land all over the solar system and start building dormitories for basketball teams.
Zack: And then they'll beat the skeletons.
Lowtax:: THERE'S MORE?!!?!?
Zack: Enough for a pickup game.
Lowtax:: Devout Mormons believe when you die, you get to become your own great space skeleton.
Lowtax:: Which is why I don't trust Chinese Mormons.
Zack: Joseph Smith discovered the space skeleton texts written on his eyelids and tongue when he looked in the mirror.
The treacherous New England Patriots are guilty of deflating their footballs. We must punish them severely in the name of holy retribution. This transgression has been the biggest headline in the United States for an entire week, and it should be the primary concern of all nations.
We have used extensive market research to determine the average consumers of America's favorite rolls of caramel-oozing choco cysts.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.