Zack: The headline screams: NASA MAKES UNEXPECTED DISCOVERY IN OUR SOLAR SYSTEM.
Lowtax:: ASTRONAUT FAILS TO PLANT AMERICAN FLAG ON MOON WHEN HE DISCOVERS IT'S ACTUALLY A GIANT FUCKING SKELETON HEAD.
Zack: We don't orbit the sun, as originally believed, but instead we orbit a skeleton ten times the size of the earth that is orbiting the sun.
Lowtax:: "Wait what is this thing? I didn't order this. What is it? It's a planet, isn't it? Well I don't want it and I'm not going to pay for it and you can't make me."
Zack: He banks earth off the door and straight into the trashcan.
Zack: Where it belongs!
Lowtax:: Obama's Space Skeleton!
Lowtax:: Palin warned us all and now the chickens have come home to roost. In space. On top of a giant skeleton torso.
Zack: I knew Obamacare was going to be bad, but this is ridiculous.
Lowtax:: What are you inferring here?
Zack: He should have gone with a universal option.
Zack: Meaning an even bigger skeleton.
Lowtax:: Your option is: HUMONGOUS SKELETON INHABITING THE UNIVERSE or BUY MORE GUNS.
Zack: The worst part is now that NASA has discovered a gigantic skeleton, they are going to spend 50 years and dozens of space missions searching for water on the skeleton again and again.
Lowtax:: Nah, they'll just give up and China will do it.
Lowtax:: NASA won't even try to find out if his other hand is in prime prance position.
Zack: China isn't going to do bullshit general science. They're going to land all over the solar system and start building dormitories for basketball teams.
Zack: And then they'll beat the skeletons.
Lowtax:: THERE'S MORE?!!?!?
Zack: Enough for a pickup game.
Lowtax:: Devout Mormons believe when you die, you get to become your own great space skeleton.
Lowtax:: Which is why I don't trust Chinese Mormons.
Zack: Joseph Smith discovered the space skeleton texts written on his eyelids and tongue when he looked in the mirror.
Be on the lookout for these armed and dangerous oldsters.
Instead of complaining about the cold, ask yourself where Spring has been all this time.
Kurt Cobain and gang finally learn the truth behind Morton Downey's evil scheme.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.