Steve: The strange cove and ugly statues strike fear into the hearts of the superstitious crew. They leave you on the beach and the ship sets off again.

Zack: "Yeah, sure, no problem. Ominous island. Just drop me off whenever for however long. Barack I will remember this treachery."

Steve: You follow the ominous canyon path towards a higher plateau. As you emerge from the canyon you see a single, large tower. It's made out of smooth, black material and the top is a snake's head.

Zack: Did the sailors leave me my horse?

Steve: Your horse was eaten during the voyage.

Zack: Continue towards the tower on foot, but I am wary of traps. I'm also super pissed that they ate my horse.

Steve: You reach the tower. You can hear a hissing snake through the doors.

Zack: I open the doors and walk inside.

Steve: You almost plummet, face first, into a huge pit full of snakes. In addition to huge piles of snakes there is also one gigantic snake. It sees you and hisses.

Zack: Would this be an appropriate time for Roll Attack?

Steve: Probably not, dude.

Zack: "Die, snake of Satan!" I swing my sword in a Gunt style attack.

Steve: You chop the head off the giant snake and its lifeless body slides back into the pit full of snakes. There is a staircase up.

Zack: Taking the stairs and preparing to charge up my roll attack.

Steve: This is not something you can do.

Zack: "But is it something I can't not do?"

More WTF, D&D!?

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.

  • Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver

    Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.