Zack:They allow full-contact fighting, use of explosives and lasers, half-human hybrids, but if you put your head down when you tackle you're going to receive a huge fine.
Steve: If full-contact fighting means like in MMA when the two dudes start rolling around on the floor grabbing each other's butts then I don't think that would be an improvement.
Zack: Clearly it says "full-contact" and if my lifetime of interpreting the signs at Korean massage parlors has taught me anything that phrase means full sexual intercourse.
Steve: I bet this is Kevin Siembieda's commentary on American sports. Everything is extreme and to the max.Zack: Juicer Baseball takes 20 hours to play and looks like those bonus stages from Street Fighter where you just beat the shit out of something until it falls apart.
Steve: Juicer Hockey is more like jousting with those compressed air spears they used to explode the monster in DeepStar Six.
Zack: Juicer Basketball is the same, but played entirely in power armor in an alternate dimension where crab men invade the earth through a portal in the ocean.
Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.
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Ignore the hype. Find out how these games will likely go right or wrong.
Doing some reps on the water bottle huh. I prefer bench press myself. Just kidding - stay hydrated.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.