Zack:They allow full-contact fighting, use of explosives and lasers, half-human hybrids, but if you put your head down when you tackle you're going to receive a huge fine.
Steve: If full-contact fighting means like in MMA when the two dudes start rolling around on the floor grabbing each other's butts then I don't think that would be an improvement.
Zack: Clearly it says "full-contact" and if my lifetime of interpreting the signs at Korean massage parlors has taught me anything that phrase means full sexual intercourse.
Steve: I bet this is Kevin Siembieda's commentary on American sports. Everything is extreme and to the max.Zack: Juicer Baseball takes 20 hours to play and looks like those bonus stages from Street Fighter where you just beat the shit out of something until it falls apart.
Steve: Juicer Hockey is more like jousting with those compressed air spears they used to explode the monster in DeepStar Six.
Zack: Juicer Basketball is the same, but played entirely in power armor in an alternate dimension where crab men invade the earth through a portal in the ocean.
REFORMED HOG - Former member of the swine family, has now agreed to behave like a proper dog. Free to patient home willing to overlook physical defects. 555-2519
What do you do when The Dark Knight himself pulls a boner?
Available in Large, which is actually a Medium stretched out to appear bigger.
If you're in a tight spot, this is going to be really helpful (I'M JOKING. I'M KIDDING AROUND)
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.