Zack: Juicer census is complete! Looks like the Dragon Juicers are moving to the west side.

Steve: One Murder Wraith moves in and there goes the neighborhood.

Zack: They call that mohawk flight. Before you know it you've got escaped Splugorth Juicers hanging out on your street corners wearing hoodies and baggie injector pants and trying to sell you combat drugs.

Steve: All that time and effort you put into fixing up your bomb crater only to have post-apocalyptic property values plummet.

Zack: Only Palladium brings you game-critical and detailed information like sub-population statistics of bio-enhanced drug addicts in North America.

Steve: I like it. Rifts just gives you the freedom and information you need to roll up stats and fill in character sheets for all 97,342 Juicers and variant Juicers living in the USA.

Zack: I think you mean the CSA.

Steve: That was a test and you just passed it. Welcome to the Rifts brotherhood.

Zack: Noooooo!

More WTF, D&D!?

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Freakypizza: The Sweater Curse

    Freakypizza: The Sweater Curse

    Elliot said my breakup must have been due to the sweater curse, an unexplained phenomenon where anyone who gives their significant other a hand-knit sweater gets dumped. The only way to break the curse, Elliot said, was to destroy the sweater.

  • Drinking Fountain Enthusiast Lingo Drinking Fountain Enthusiast Lingo

    Can't tell a drinking fountain from a urinal? We've got you covered. Brush up on your drinking fountain enthusiast -- or sipper -- vocabulary and learn to talk and swap sips with the best of them.

About This Column

Copyright ©2015 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.