Zack: Juicer census is complete! Looks like the Dragon Juicers are moving to the west side.
Steve: One Murder Wraith moves in and there goes the neighborhood.
Zack: They call that mohawk flight. Before you know it you've got escaped Splugorth Juicers hanging out on your street corners wearing hoodies and baggie injector pants and trying to sell you combat drugs.
Steve: All that time and effort you put into fixing up your bomb crater only to have post-apocalyptic property values plummet.
Zack: Only Palladium brings you game-critical and detailed information like sub-population statistics of bio-enhanced drug addicts in North America.
Steve: I like it. Rifts just gives you the freedom and information you need to roll up stats and fill in character sheets for all 97,342 Juicers and variant Juicers living in the USA.
Zack: I think you mean the CSA.
Steve: That was a test and you just passed it. Welcome to the Rifts brotherhood.
Maria Mitchell is shown holding a telescope to each eye, using them to ogle passing hunks on the street below. OOOGA! Her tongue rolls out like a firehose, her eyes comically bulging through the ends of the telescopes.
The Internet experience of 2014 has been condensed into a single article for your convenience.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.