Steve's Stupidest #2
Ansel the Worldly Sasquatch
From Rifts Worldbook 20 Canada
Steve: Live the dream with Ansel, the Worldly Sasquatch. The dream of being a sasquatch I mean.
Steve: This benign giant roams the Pacific Northwest searching for his lost mate Patty who was taken by slavers many moons ago. Since she was captured, he has embraced modern society and now he drives a truck and wields a laser shotgun.
Zack: There's a laser shotgun in Rifts?
Steve: I mean, I didn't actually look it up, but I think I can say with certainty that yes, there is a laser shotgun.
Steve: Oh and also he is psychic.
Zack: Wait, psychic? That sounds suspiciously useful.
Steve: You would think, but check out one of his main powers:
Zack: Seems like a lot of sasquatches would get jobs at racetracks. You know, in case every watch and phone and every other time keeping device out of the hundreds at the racetrack broke.
Steve: I don't think he would even be very good at that because he is always off by 1D4 seconds. So like, it's a psychic power that's way worse than a five dollar stop watch.
Zack: Oh, man, this one is going to be hard to beat.
After years of being misunderstood, I had hoped we finally had "our" story. I was wrong.
He had a yellow inflatable tube around his waist, the kind with a comical duck head. There was a tiny fish in one of his hands, and a trident in the other. In the background a squirrel wearing shades was water skiing.
For fans of meaningless awards, these awards are extra meaningless.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.