Zack: The temptation here is to address the picture. To talk about the ridiculous fatness or the almost random scale of his body parts, but I suggest we delve into the text.
Steve: Seems like a pretty reasonable life arc. Eat horses until you're so fat your parents force you into the high-stakes world of Sumo. Happens all the time.
Zack: ESPN 3's late night programming is littered with spherical southerners weened on the waste products of distilleries.
Steve: You've got to give him credit for finishing high school. A lot of guys in his position would see the opportunity and drop out for Sumo.
Zack: But Bluegrass wasn't interested in Sumo, he sought a quiet life assembling miniature dollhouse furniture for Japanese dioramas.
Steve: He became a professional text messager.
Zack: A baby's glove model.
Steve: A teacup chihuahua neurosurgeon.
Zack: The court reporter for IRS v. Micro Machine Man.
Steve: Whatever he does, I hope he's happy! That's all that matters.
This is very real. As an insider I possess damning evidence that could utterly destroy Something Awful. This website has many enemies who appear to be coming to power in the United States. They probably have lots of money at their disposal, and I could really use some.
Don't let the winter dryness destroy your sinuses.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.