Random Oni Table Rolls
91-95 Humanoid but giant, 8 feet (2.4 m) +1D4 additional feet (0.3-1.2
41-45 Monkey; +1 horror factor.
86-90 Rat nose.
11-20 Huge almond-shaped eyes that glow red like a fire or sparkling
gold, yellow, amber, or orange.
81-90 Large mouth with flabby, quivering lips, with NO teeth. One
point of mega-damage from bite.
46-56 Thin and gnarled arms, muscular but misshapen. The hands are
skeletal with long clawed fingers. 2D6 M.D.
81-90 Animal-like; hover or like bear. 6D6 speed attribute.
88-94 Tail of a lizard.
81-90 Stark White or Ivory
Description: The Decrepit Jingleblower is a creature of dreams and nursing homes. It feeds upon the flesh of newborn babies, frightened children, and the unsavory elderly folk at death's door. It uses its luscious lips to quietly suckle at the toes of its victims after injecting a sleep-inducing toxin through its saliva directly into the bloodstream. Alone, it is a powerful and wily foe whose only weakness is RealDoll decoys (but only of the 80 year old variety). It is best to slay it with a piece of technology developed no less than a month ago for the only tool capable of defeating the Decrepit Jingleblower is the tool of the future. In groups, it is harmless as it will spend all of its free time complaining about the state of affairs in the world today and the ever-deteriorating condition of society.The Verdict
Steve: Aaaaahhhhhhhhhh!Zack: AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!
Zack: It's also a gi-AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!
Steve: Oh, God, don't read the description! AAAAAHHHH!
Zack: Too laaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.