Zack: White Wolf has always loved to include page after page of fiction filler in their RPG books. At least back in the Street Fighter days they were still mostly using real fonts. A few years later they would switch over to a menagerie of unreadable handwriting font bullshit.
Steve: I always liked the stories, but I had to stop reading them because I can't read cursive very well. Even less well when it's in a bloody scrawl.
Zack: The reasonable font is no excuse for this bullshit. What is this?
Steve: I think it's pretty cool. Jackson looks really tough. Look at those biceps.
Zack: Jackson looked out over the Pacific Ocean. The view made him remember his stereotypical black man behavior. He didn't care about being a black man stereotype. As a black man you don't see too many of his kind running kung fu schools.
Steve: It sounds racist when you put it like that.
Zack: It is racist. Street Fighter came from Japan and in Japan they view black men as somewhere between a monster and a dog. The White Wolf people softened that a little.
Steve: Street Fighter isn't racist, you're being ridiculous. Balrog was just supposed to be Mike Tyson. Just because this guy left his baby and wife behind to get rich in the high stakes game of kung fu dojoing doesn't make the story racist. If anything you're being reverse racist.
Zack: No, Steve, there's no such thing.
Steve: Yeah there is, I saw about it. It's when a black person does something racist against white people.
Zack: Like what?
Steve: I don't know, you're putting me on the spot.
Zack: No, like what? I want an example of reverse racism.
Steve: If a black man saw a white man and called him a snowy.
Zack: I've never heard that term before. Give me some context.Steve: "Hey snowy, nice dance moves, now watch these dance moves."
Zack: So, it's a racist term for white people to be used during a dance competition?Steve: Just for example.
Zack: Give me an example of a real person using it. How about Barack Obama?
Steve: Barack Obama said "Hey snowy, nice dance moves, now watch these dance moves."
Zack: This is like eating paint chips.
TOTAL WRECK - crazy-eyed hound is covered in cobwebs, has a vespiary on back, graffiti on side and savage thirst for boat fuel. Frankly, I'm in over my head. He's in room 115 at Motel 6, yours free. 555-2851
Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.