April first, 2000. A day that shall forever live in infamy. On this day Something Awful was hacked by the nefarious "Jerry", an incredibly evil, diabolical human being intent on bringing down SA and enforcing his iron will upon the cowarding masses. Oh yeah, and he wasn't real either, he was just an April Fool's day joke.
But the joke worked, and "Jerry" got over 300 email flames. Here's a brief selection from some of the more amusing letters sent in to poor "Jerry". Now before anybody asks, "Lowtax, you're essentially alienating a good majority of your viewing audience, the people that frequent SA and keep it alive. Are you sure this is a good thing?", I'd like to quote what my dad told me the time he drank too much whiskey a few years ago, fell down in the bathtub, and tried to eat the hair that was clogging up the drain:
"Son, you should probably alienate a good majority of your viewing audience, the people that frequent SA and keep it alive."
I still remember those words to this very day. Onto the letters.
From: E. R. Williams
Subject: c|4n 9//|ll|//3t3r 0wn0rz
Hey Jerry, "Mr. l33t killer." Your name doesn't make much sense, does that mean you kill yourself or are you not l33t like you claim? Personally i dont think half the people give two shits who Jeff K. is. Wether its Bill Clinton or Cliff Yablonski. Its comedy, its funny to read and it amuses us. You with your "l33t g30c|t|3s" page as you would put it, doesnt show much. And your "@yahoo.com" is "sup4h l33t." Here are my balls delivered promptly with this e-mail. So leave Jeff K. alone and let him be "l33t" and go find some busy street to play in. As for Rich not being a "hax0r" he doesnt claim to be one. Its all in good fun, so take your "l33t Sh|t0rz" and stop being c00l.
Erik Williams "Please dont hack, MEISTER SMARTY MAN!"
Subject: You are a fucking moron.
You ARE dumb if not dumber than Jeff K. You pointed out quite clearly that Jeff K was not real, and that Jeff K/Lowtax were not L33T Haxors like yourself because he never posted hacking hints and tips on his site. Jesus fucking Christ, Jerry, you MISSED THE WHOLE FUCKING POINT.
Lowtax was actually making fun of loser hacker fuckwads such as yourself, and guess what? You fell for it like the little jerk you are.
Instead of making yourself look really cool by hacking Something Awful, you've just let off a massive beacon over your own head the proclaims "Hey, I'm soooo much lamer than the dickheads that send Jeff K abusive email."
Well done, wankstain. I, and the rest of the world salute your ineffectuality.
From: The Red Krawler
Subject: You fucking moron.
Lowtax and the entire contents of somethingawful.com has never claimed to be a hacker nor a hacking group.
It's a fucking site for comedy you loser. It's funny shit and the only people who take it seriously are tryhard fuckwits like yourself who think you are incredibly elite, nay, 3r33t, because you use upper and lowercase and swap letters and numbers around.
You're a fucking loser, jeffk was fucking funny but reading your substitute page and your *GEOCITIES* page... You make even the ficticious character jeffk seem cool.
You're a fucking wanker and you look like a fucking poofter. Long live lowtax, jeffk and somethingawful.com
From: "Jamin Jex"
Subject: What else?
You guys whoever you are are assholes for hacking Something Awful.com... i agree with you in the fact that anyone who takes somethingawful seriously and believes Jeff K. is real (or l33t) is a absolute idiot. However, you apparently must take it somewhat seriously because you were somehow threatened by its meaninglessness ... FOR HELL'S SAKE ITS A HUMOR SITE! WAY TO KEEP " electronic freedom united "-- by bringing a pedestal of free speech and jackassery like "something Awful" down... You guys r00lz! Jeff K.'s point is obviously not to satire real hackers ... but rather make fun of the barage of wannabe's that eminate every where you turn in the electronic world (AOL, mIRC, the "HACKERS DEN" on yahooChat, you get the point), and also to make people laugh at what a foolish character he is. Sure i respect real hackers if they have a real purpouse such as fighting injustice or capitalization but man of you guys "are the real hackers" you claim to be you are just giving hackers in general a bad name.
a person who doesn't even claim to be "3r337" and used to enjoy reading Something Awful for what it was worth (laughs)
TOTAL WRECK - crazy-eyed hound is covered in cobwebs, has a vespiary on back, graffiti on side and savage thirst for boat fuel. Frankly, I'm in over my head. He's in room 115 at Motel 6, yours free. 555-2851
Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.
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