From: Francisco Lopez
Subject: Help, Jeff K!
First I'd like to start off by saying that you are my God. Recently I've been having problems with a friend, you see, he wants me to kill him so he can come back as a Zombie and I don't know if I should. What do you think? I think you're the only person who can answer this since your intelligence surpasses that of any living creature in the universe.
NO DoNT FALL FOR THAT TRICK!!!
me and Jerry were doing some experimants at the wastewater treatment plant and we were throwing rocks at teh cars that drove by one day. then we started throweing rocks at birds and we hit one and we took teh birtd and threw it in a puddle which we thought was toxic waste but teh bird didant come back to life. WHY? LET ME TELL YOU WHY -
when Something DIES, all its life molecules leave its body and go into teh trees. then the tres say "AAH, MUCH BETTAR" and they beam a smile at you. BUT Autumn comes and their leaves die, so the life molecules go into teh snow. Then snow melts and teh rivar gets the weater which is vary high in life molecules at this point. THEN IT RAINS AND JERRY AND I HAVE TO GO HOME. WE SAW A UFO ONCE BUT IT WAS A HELICOPTAR!//>
From: The " L " Shape
Jesus Christ you're an idiot. *turns away in disgust*
Is your page just a joke or are you serious about the horrid piece of crap that is your site. You obviously have NO experience whatsoever because there is no such thing as Netscape 1.7!!!!!!!
Also it is clear to me that you must get an F- in English because a retarded monkey with a pencil in his teeth has better grammer than you. Also concerning your AMD vs. Pentium III article that you did...hang on. *throws up* okay. you clearly don't know crap about computers, because these "tests" that you preformed were retarded! YOU USED GOOFY GOLF AND WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE AS TEST GAMES!!!!!! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!!!!!! These games are hardly processor intensive and above all else...THEY SUCK!!! and comparing the weight of the computers has NOTHING to do with their speed or "how many transistors it has" you probably don't even know what a transister is do you?
Maybe you should actually learn something about computers before you review hardware (you don't even know what a driver is). Anyway, my point is that you suck and you know Jack shit. I didn't even think that people could be so stupid. but now that I've met you, how wrong I was. I pitty you. And you are now number one on my "Ten Most Pathetic People" list. I hope you die a horrible death, and may god have mercy on your soul.
p.s. just so you know, THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A PENTIUM 5000!!! FAGGOT!
p.p.s. The Black Scorpion Clan could kick your clan's ass! What the hell kind of name is Clan 40 ounce anyway?
OH NO A VARY MEAN EMALE WRITTAN TO ME! THEY MUST"AVE LeTTEN THE NUCLEAR ROCKET SURGEONS WRITES EMALES NOW BECAUSE ITS OBBVIOUS TO ME YUOR A VARY SMARTY MAN!!! let me examine yuor thoughtful emale on a point by point bassis.I will use teh color blue for yuo, because IT SI OBVIOUS YOUR MOM BLEW YOU!!! HAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAAAA FAGOT
You obviously have NO experience whatsoever because there is no such thing as Netscape 1.7!!!!!!! -WELL WHAT AM I USEING RIGHT NOW, SMARTY MAN? HOW CAN I LOOK ON THE WORALD WEB WIDE IF I DONT USE NETSCAPE??? AND NO, I AM NOT GOING TO USE INTERNAT EXPOLAR BECAUSE BILL GATES MAKES THAT AND common opinionion dictates bill gates is indeed a fag
Also it is clear to me that you must get an F- in English because a retarded monkey with a pencil in his teeth has better grammer than you.-YUO SPELLED "GRAMMAR" WRONG MISTAR WIZARD!!! GO BACK TO YUOR "HOW TO SPELL FOR DUMMYES" BOOK!*!&@^
you probably don't even know what a transister is do you?-OH, WHAT DO I SEE BEFOR ME? ANOTHAR SPELLING EROR? WOW, MAEYBE YUO SHOULD RUN YUOR EMAIL BY YUOR FIRST GRADE TEACHER BEFORE YUO HIT THE "SEND" BUTTON NEXT TIME, JOHNNY 5!
Maybe you should actually learn something about computers before you review hardware (you don't even know what a driver is)-I Know what a drivar is IDIOT, i just dont play iot becuase it si made my MICORSOFT!!!!
I pitty you. And you are now number one on my "Ten Most Pathetic People" list.-HAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA YUO SPELLED "PITY" WRONG DIPSHAT! AND YUO ARE NEVAR SUPPOSED TO START A SENTANCE WITH TEH WORD "AND", that is a prepostiional conjecture STUPID, so maybe yuo should LEARN HOW TO LAY AN EGG AND BECOME A PROFFESIONAL HEN becuase yuor emale to me lacks quality SIR DORKSALOT#.
Finally: an advice column for the rest of us! (Who seek to enslave humanity.)
Even the most fervent gun control advocate would admit that guns kill people, not other guns. We must become the guns we wish to see in the world.
A Goon outs himself as a wizard and gets a warm reception from the rogues/rangers/paladins gallery!
Featured articles and columns that don't fit anywhere else on Something Awful.