General Tex Eatem's Good Times Happy Buffet and Filling Station!
Of course our casino wouldn't be complete without a fulfilling buffet! General Tex Eatem's Good Times Happy Buffet and Filling Station offers miles and miles of preprocessed home-cooked meals that you remember your grandma used to make during your military stationing at Dien Bien Phu! For your convenience, all food and food products are left in the original containers they shipped in, allowing you to grab a barrel and head back to your "designated dining area" where you can shovel it into your fat childrens' gaping maws. At General Tex Eatem's Good Times Happy Buffet and Filling Station, not only is our motto, "you'll eat a lot of our horrible food simply because you paid an outrageous sum of money for it", but it's also the catchphrase embroidered on our skulls by parent company State Og!
Here's a glimpse at the traditional "lunch and / or possibly dinner" buffet that is featured every weekday (on weekends too, depending how successful the Army experiment was):
Pork N' Salad
Red Chemical Number 8
Casserole of Bean
Petco's Special Applesauce Blend
Chicken and Non-Chicken Substance Mixture
Holiday bonus (regardless if it's actually a holiday or not) - All families will, for a limited time, be given a special "mystery food barrel" which could contain any number of tasty food products or dangerous man-made elements. One of them contains the corpse of a CHUD as well, so opening the barrel is a form of gambling by itself!
TOTAL WRECK - crazy-eyed hound is covered in cobwebs, has a vespiary on back, graffiti on side and savage thirst for boat fuel. Frankly, I'm in over my head. He's in room 115 at Motel 6, yours free. 555-2851
Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.
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