The "You Never Lose" Slot Machine
Click for a larger photo
Tired of losing hundreds of dollars on the one armed bandit? Well shove those pointless fears aside, as the exclusive FAKE Las Vegas "You Never Lose" slot machine guarantee you'll win each and every single time! How can we promise such great news? Easy! Our engineers spent hundreds of days designing the first slot machine to ensure a win every time it spins. We have provided a highly technical cross-diagram of the "You Never Lose" slot machine which shows off the marvel of engineering technology that defines this advanced piece of gaming equipment. Why not put a quarter into the "You Never Lose" slot machine? Heck, put in two - you'll never lose!
Thanks to American "know how" and the ability to get the job done, our American engineers slaved for numerous nights and days to develop the perfect slot machine. Eventually they ended up baffled and used this American "know how" to ship the design contract to a Japanese company which successfully designed and assembled the "You Never Lose" machine.
While this diagram may seem confusing for those of you who are less technologically savvy, it clearly demonstrates the award-winning technology that has made the "You Never Lose" slot machine a winner! You'll never have to force your ego to ride on the line when playing this baby!
"Really, Holmes!" I dropped into my seat, shocked. "You are remarkably tall! What are you, six foot six? Six foot eight?"
As the 19th century diver approaches a giant clam, a flash of brilliant golden light flares from within the shell. I emerge in a swirl of bubbles and do the timeless universal underwater hand signals for the following: ZODIAC KILLER, KKK, BLOOD OF YOUTH
Featured articles and columns that don't fit anywhere else on Something Awful.