The "You Never Lose" Slot Machine
Click for a larger photo
Tired of losing hundreds of dollars on the one armed bandit? Well shove those pointless fears aside, as the exclusive FAKE Las Vegas "You Never Lose" slot machine guarantee you'll win each and every single time! How can we promise such great news? Easy! Our engineers spent hundreds of days designing the first slot machine to ensure a win every time it spins. We have provided a highly technical cross-diagram of the "You Never Lose" slot machine which shows off the marvel of engineering technology that defines this advanced piece of gaming equipment. Why not put a quarter into the "You Never Lose" slot machine? Heck, put in two - you'll never lose!
Thanks to American "know how" and the ability to get the job done, our American engineers slaved for numerous nights and days to develop the perfect slot machine. Eventually they ended up baffled and used this American "know how" to ship the design contract to a Japanese company which successfully designed and assembled the "You Never Lose" machine.
While this diagram may seem confusing for those of you who are less technologically savvy, it clearly demonstrates the award-winning technology that has made the "You Never Lose" slot machine a winner! You'll never have to force your ego to ride on the line when playing this baby!
The human anatomy is home to more than three hundred organs. Doctors and chocolatiers agree that the vast majority of these revolting lumps of tissue serve little to no function. If you find yourself standing in a long line or stuck at the airport waiting for a delayed flight, consider taking a few minutes to remove the following from your person.
Do you have what it takes to make it on the ballot?
Featured articles and columns that don't fit anywhere else on Something Awful.