Curator of sexy lists and off-color comments about body parts, heavy.com, is proud to present an authoritative list of the 5 most dick-raising T&A bombs currently serving on the House Committee on Armed Services. Gentlemen, get ready to crank out another flagon of that bald gorilla gravy.
Getting sleazy with Marc Veasey? Don't mind if we do. This chocolate hunk from Texas's lucky number 33 hits our sweet tooth and chubs our pants pugs with his lines of inquiry and pro-military voting record. Guys, pick up your chins off the floor, that was a procedural motion he just made. Because Marc Veasey knows you like to watch him. That's the only possible explanation for the way he shakes our cream whips.
TOTAL WRECK - crazy-eyed hound is covered in cobwebs, has a vespiary on back, graffiti on side and savage thirst for boat fuel. Frankly, I'm in over my head. He's in room 115 at Motel 6, yours free. 555-2851
Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.
Featured articles and columns that don't fit anywhere else on Something Awful.