13. Make Greeting Cards Yourself
The average American spends way too much on greeting cards every year. Like at least 25 dollars. A good way to save money versus these soulless card corporations is to make some cards yourself. Get some paper and make a card. It's fun.
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
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