Question #13: Breaking up with a woman should be:
In a neutral, non-emotional place. Done in a way that both of you can move on without any emotional scars or baggage. Two days into the relationship, before she has a chance to mention anything about "commitment." Only at gunpoint.
Question #14: When my friends ask me why I'm not dating a particular girl anymore, I tell them:
That things "just didn't work out." The truth. That she was in fact a woman and anything they heard to the contrary is simply a bunch of lies told by somebody who was really jealous and have no grounding in reality and even if she was a man they can't prove it unless they dated her themselves and if they did that doesn't make them homosexuals so stop trying to infer that I am, okay? The carnival had to move along to the next town.
Question #15: When I'm on the rebound, I often look for women in:
Bars. Dance clubs. AOL chatrooms. The bottom of a bottle of Keopectate.
Question #16: I would never date a woman with:
Bad hygiene. Ugly looks. More STDs than Tiajuana. A fully developed "Fight or Flight" reflex.
All done! Now press the "SUBMIT" button and view your scientifically-determined psychological assessment!
It is 2016. I think it is high time that Captain America have a dog man as a boyfriend.
A brave pop culture addict puts his foot down once and for all.
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