Question #7: Touching a beautiful woman makes me think:
"I wish she was mine." "I am lucky to be close to somebody this magnificent." "I hope she doesn't mind that my hands are dripping with enough sweat to fill a kiddie pool." "I'd better get her back to the pimp in 30 minutes or he'll stab me like last time."
Question #8: I am most attracted to a woman's:
Face. Breasts. Legs. Penis.
Question #9: I refer to "having sex" as:
"Making love." "Doing it." "Watching Mr. Sparkle enter Miss Nastyhole." "The event which follows me slipping a roofie into her drink."
Question #10: My most embarrassing moment during sex happened when:
I needed help finding the correct hole. I climaxed too early. My parents walked in. She woke up.
Question #11: The wildest thing I've ever done in bed has been:
Role-playing. Domination / Submission. Group sex. Rolling over and discovering my missing complete Star Wars collection set lodged in between my rolls of ass fat.
Question #12: When I climax, I picture an image of:
The woman I'm making love to. Explosions and fireworks. My cat, Chester. George Jetson.
Question #12: After sex, I like to:
Smoke a cigarette. Cuddle. Break things. Scrub myself for three hours with a Brillo Pad and boiling hot water while muttering, "oh, the humanity."
Prepare yourself for quite possibly the most effective use of "BOWL" as a sound effect.
Who needs three months of endless summer fun? You have a career!
One Goon's wayward selfie inspires greatness from his SA Forums peers, with help from Harrison Ford!
Barbarian beer farts, steamy vampire coeds, and Kevin Sorbo trying to screw his many sisters await!
Featured articles and columns that don't fit anywhere else on Something Awful.
Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.