With the happy family safely ensconced in the house with their precious tot I decided it was time to fortify the household. The bales of hay seemed a suitable bulwark against communists/babysitters.
Unfortunately, Fifa was able to escape to her nine to five job as a criminal. The protection offered by the hay piles was illusory. With mom away at work it was time to institute Case Blue. This meant the elimination of all entrances into the house and the installation of windows everywhere.
Say what you will about glass houses, but it's definitely better to live in one than to live on one's front lawn. Fifa was trapped.
Fifa forlornly watched Meatbaby through the glass. She's growing up so fast! It seems like only yesterday she was a bagworm-like screaming machine. Now look at her all sitting up and screaming about entirely different things. If only Fifa could be in there and ignoring the baby to play with the dollhouse!
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
Featured articles and columns that don't fit anywhere else on Something Awful.