With the happy family safely ensconced in the house with their precious tot I decided it was time to fortify the household. The bales of hay seemed a suitable bulwark against communists/babysitters.


Unfortunately, Fifa was able to escape to her nine to five job as a criminal. The protection offered by the hay piles was illusory. With mom away at work it was time to institute Case Blue. This meant the elimination of all entrances into the house and the installation of windows everywhere.


Say what you will about glass houses, but it's definitely better to live in one than to live on one's front lawn. Fifa was trapped.


Fifa forlornly watched Meatbaby through the glass. She's growing up so fast! It seems like only yesterday she was a bagworm-like screaming machine. Now look at her all sitting up and screaming about entirely different things. If only Fifa could be in there and ignoring the baby to play with the dollhouse!


More Features / Articles

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Advanced Level Sexy Catcalls

    Advanced Level Sexy Catcalls

    Hows about you, me, and five uncomfortable minutes in my basement apartment next to the dusty Christmas tree that's still up from my last visit with my estranged children.

  • Zagat's Guide to Poor Person Eating

    Zagat's Guide to Poor Person Eating

    The Upper Kitchen Cabinet Where Your Roommate Keeps His Food: You’ll 'need the footstool' to reach your roommate’s 'fine selection' of 'stale cereal,' but he'll never notice if 'only a little is missing from each box.' Feel less guilty by reminding yourself that Jeff 'acts weird around your girlfriend,' and always 'asks about her.' What a 'creep.'

Copyright ©2015 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.