Happy Birthday, Meatbaby! You're almost ready to start mopping up all of the puddles the constantly-leaking faucets are making! School? Nah...


Hey, wait a second...why is Fifa all curled up like that? Why is that scary man standing over her?


Oh well, whatever!

Yay! Here lies Fifa, peperony and chease.

This nightmare is hardly a full plunge into the abyss of possibilities offered by The Sims 3. I have the utmost confidence in the ingenuity of the Internet to devise all new and terrible ways to torture Sims. In the meantime, I will continue my experiments.

– Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons (@sexyfacts4u)

More Features / Articles

This Week on Something Awful...

  • GLUT OF DOGS

    GLUT OF DOGS

    TOTAL WRECK - crazy-eyed hound is covered in cobwebs, has a vespiary on back, graffiti on side and savage thirst for boat fuel. Frankly, I'm in over my head. He's in room 115 at Motel 6, yours free. 555-2851

  • THE PERFECT HUMAN FORM

    THE PERFECT HUMAN FORM

    Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.

Copyright ©2016 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.