Then the babysitter began to read a book. Presumably some sort of manual of gnome evasion.

Her knight in shining armor returned home from work and cleared a path through the gnomes the only way he knew how: brute force!

By the time Duke fought his way to Meatbaby the babysitter was gone. Dead or whisked away through means unknown, it didn't matter to Duke. It was somebody's birthday!

More Features / Articles

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Get In The God Dang Weight Room, Johnny Manziel!

    Get In The God Dang Weight Room, Johnny Manziel!

    Simply put, if I had Johnny Manziel’s physical gifts, you better believe I would be there in the Weight Room, getting to bed early, doing whatever I had to do to be the best possible athlete I could be. I wouldn't be posting on social media about sucking titties. I wouldn't even look at a titty, buddy. I'd look at a titty and see two big footballs.

  • Helping Your Real Friends Move

    Helping Your Real Friends Move

    A real friend doesn't move until the middle of August, ensuring temperatures in the 90s and a humidity that turns boxers into moist balls of ruined cotton.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.