Eventually a firelady arrived and extinguished the fire by looking horrified. Homeowner's insurance covered the cost of a replacement oven.

Duke was even able to salvage his sausages, but his mind was on thoughts of escape. He couldn't enjoy his sausages because of all the turmoil.

By the next day it was apparent Duke had made a baby thing inside of his wife's hootie-hatch. That meant it was time to redecorate.

There was some landscaping to do as well. What newborn doesn't love a swing set or dozens of bales of hay?

More Features / Articles

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Advanced Level Sexy Catcalls

    Advanced Level Sexy Catcalls

    Hows about you, me, and five uncomfortable minutes in my basement apartment next to the dusty Christmas tree that's still up from my last visit with my estranged children.

  • Zagat's Guide to Poor Person Eating

    Zagat's Guide to Poor Person Eating

    The Upper Kitchen Cabinet Where Your Roommate Keeps His Food: You’ll 'need the footstool' to reach your roommate’s 'fine selection' of 'stale cereal,' but he'll never notice if 'only a little is missing from each box.' Feel less guilty by reminding yourself that Jeff 'acts weird around your girlfriend,' and always 'asks about her.' What a 'creep.'

Copyright ©2015 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.