Duke tried not to obsess over the coming baby. He was hoping for either a son or a boneless jelly that could slip under doors and through cracks. To keep his mind off the baby he practiced his speaking in the mirror. Hey, wait a second, I thought I only put one of those in the baby's room!


Fifa puttered around the house getting fat and eating. She felt guilty so she went to the gym and took a bath. When she started doing aerobics her tummy made a grumble that upset some of the other people doing aerobics.


What are these? Contraptions? Better get to the hospital and fart out a baby! Hooray! Let's call it Meatbaby and let's make it crazy. I love a crazy meatbaby.


More Features / Articles

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.

  • BarkWire.com Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver

    BarkWire.com Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver

    Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.