Duke tried not to obsess over the coming baby. He was hoping for either a son or a boneless jelly that could slip under doors and through cracks. To keep his mind off the baby he practiced his speaking in the mirror. Hey, wait a second, I thought I only put one of those in the baby's room!


Fifa puttered around the house getting fat and eating. She felt guilty so she went to the gym and took a bath. When she started doing aerobics her tummy made a grumble that upset some of the other people doing aerobics.


What are these? Contraptions? Better get to the hospital and fart out a baby! Hooray! Let's call it Meatbaby and let's make it crazy. I love a crazy meatbaby.


More Features / Articles

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Advanced Level Sexy Catcalls

    Advanced Level Sexy Catcalls

    Hows about you, me, and five uncomfortable minutes in my basement apartment next to the dusty Christmas tree that's still up from my last visit with my estranged children.

  • Zagat's Guide to Poor Person Eating

    Zagat's Guide to Poor Person Eating

    The Upper Kitchen Cabinet Where Your Roommate Keeps His Food: You’ll 'need the footstool' to reach your roommate’s 'fine selection' of 'stale cereal,' but he'll never notice if 'only a little is missing from each box.' Feel less guilty by reminding yourself that Jeff 'acts weird around your girlfriend,' and always 'asks about her.' What a 'creep.'

Copyright ©2015 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.