etard knieval posted:

circumcision is my one 'spitting fire' issue. i try to be really open minded and in almost all ways i think that parents should be allowed to raise their kids pretty much however they want, but when an otherwise good parent tells me they had their son circumcised, or plan on it, it makes me lose a great deal of respect for them.

in my opinion, circumcising a baby boy is similar to forcing him to get a tattoo as a baby - it hurts, he doesn't have any say in the matter, it's an invasive procedure where the risks outweigh the (nonexistant) benefits, and in some ways it's worse because it's in a very sensitive area and if he doesn't like it there's really no way to reverse it. if a hospital decided to implement a policy where they offer to tattoo a giant crucifix on the asscheek of every baby, there would be outrage, and i don't understand why people sit complacently about circumcision just because it's "traditional." traditions are based on old-fashioned beliefs that are no longer relevant to society.

if a boy wants to get circumcised for religious or aesthetic reasons, i think he should make the choice himself once he's old enough to understand. if a man is willing to suffer the negative effects of circumcision (namely, that it reduces the sensitivity of the glans, and the surgery can result in problems causing major penile harm) then it's his choice. key word there being a MAN, not a little baby. and while i'm on my soapbox, a few arguments to common pro-circumcision myths:

They can't remember the pain - i've read anecdotes from several men who claim to remember being circumcised, and besides, isn't that the same thing as saying "it's okay to punch my baby in the face because he won't remember it"?

The other boys will make fun of him - more and more boys are uncircumcised these days, and there are a lot less circumstances where you're going to be looking at each other's dicks. worst case scenario, parents will just have to explain things to them, which is way easier than permanent fucking genital mutilation.

It prevents build up of dick-cheese - while this is true, a much simpler situation is to teach your child to not be grubby and wash his dick. removing the foreskin to prevent smegma is like cutting off a baby's nose to prevent boogers.

Sometimes the foreskin is too tight to allow for retraction of the penis (phimosis) - in this case circumcision can be done as a medically necessary procedure, but in most babies this is not the case and it is simply an aesthetic decision.

baby boys do not come out of the womb with a sticker that says "some assembly required", retards! arghhhh.
Psylocibe posted:
I was in a movie earlier, (Silver Surfer, if you have to know.) and some fucking bitch and her boyfriend or husband brought in their 2 or 3 year old hellspawn. All through the movie he was sitting there making noise, talking loudly, kicking things, running in the isle, and all I heard from her was "Sssshhh! quiet! Sit down! SIT DOWN! Shhhh! stop making a fuss!" ad infinum, every few minutes.

I wound up informing the manager, but he didnt see them making any disturbances when he looked in. I mean, this kid was being a fucking BRAT. The dad got up to take the kid out. Great, I thought. Until the mom got on the phone. In the theater. And dad brings the fucker back about 2 minutes later.

They sit again, and keep with the disturbances. After the second time the mother followed the kid out, and brought him back in (I think the kid just kind of ran out of the theater and she dragged him back in), I waited until she got to the row in front of mine and I said "Hire a fucking babysitter." loud enough and plain enough to be heard over the movie.

She stops, looks at me, and says:Why??" I just point at her little shit standing next to her. She goes to her seat in a huff, and I can overhear her complaining about how rude some people are.

After the movie, I stood out in front of the theater with my friend. We saw the bitch load up her kid in a jeep, and the dude go his own way. I made sure to make eye contact, give her the biggest friendliest smile I could, and wave. She flipped me off.

First off: What the fuck? I wanted to throw something at them, preferably a brick, but didn't. In the movie, I mean. I tried to do the proper channels and it failed. Why don't some people get it? Can we institute law where bringing little brats into theaters is punished by forced nonconsentual sodomy? At least that route, we won't need to worry about making more.

But more importantly, when bitching about this to a group of my friends, several of them said I was in the wrong and that "I don't understand because I'm not a parent." FUCK THAT NOISE. I pay to get into a fucking movie, just like everyone. Because you chose to shit out your little angel is of no concern of mine. Hire a fucking babysitter.

What do you think? Am I in the right or the wrong here?
More The Great Goon Database

This Week on Something Awful...

About This Column

The Something Awful Forums are, by far, the greatest and most entertaining community on the internet. From the Comedy Goldmine to Photoshop Phriday, our forums are pretty much the lone island refusing to be engulfed by the sea of stupidity that is the internet. While sections like the Comedy Goldmine and Photoshop Phriday showcase the intentionally hilarious forum creations, we've failed to reveal the coin's flip side. The Great Goon Database is a depository of unintentionally amusing Something Awful Forum quotes demonstrating the darker side of SA. Special thanks to Goon "LittleJoe" for collecting and sorting these gems.

Previous Articles

Suggested Articles

Copyright ©2018 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.