Anyway, my fiance and I just went through the same shit the 2nd week of Knocked up. To the left of us, are two hambeasts who were a couple, to the right, a bunch of 14 year old or so bitches. My girl's on the left, (side with fatties), I'm on the right, (side with bitches). So, soon as the movie starts, and the first joke is made, this lady on the left LOUDLY repeats the punchline of the scene to her hubby. Fuck... please, no. My fiance and I look at eachother, and hope for the best.
It happens again. This time, I hear the girls to the right of me rightly whining about it, one of them quietly making fun of the fat chick. I hear some murmuring to the left of us, seems like the hubby is telling her to quiet the fuck down, but in a much nicer way. It worked... for about 20 minutes. She started going at it again. Whatever she found funny, she repeated it loudly so the theater would hear it. At this point, I'm hoping to god that this lady is so I can hold back my nerdrage from shoving my popcorn bag over her head by feeling bad about myself for thinking bad things. Then again, she'd probably eat her way out of it anyway. I start to just deal with it.
During parts where the chick is throwing up before she figures out she's pregnant, the girl to the right of me is talking quietly to her friend, "oh my god, ew, do you actually throw up when you're pregnant? Nuh uh, that's so hollywood. What a lie... wait, what? Really? Nuh uh!" Again, it's normal, very quiet and polite whispering, so I don't mind it much that I caught this. In fact, it made me laugh. Ohohoho, little girl, welcome to real life. It's all not pretty and Paris Hilton shit.
So, about an hour into the movie, the girl on the right crosses her legs, and she starts fidgetting. I hear her say "god this movie is long!". Bwah!? Fucking kids today and their ADD. Her leg fidgetting keeps distracting me, as I see this moving thing on the bottom right corner of my eye, no matter how much I try to pay attention to the fucking film.
Then the worst happens: she fucking flips open her cellphone, and starts fucking texting. And dudes, that shit was BRIGHT. Like, blinded my right eye bright! She finishes quick and sets the phone down. Okay... fine... free pass. Hopefully it was daddy or something. But no, it happens again... and again...
As much as I want to say something, I'm WAY too much of a nice guy, so I just start giving hints. I sigh, do the whole "AHEM" thing. Eventually I say fuck it, prop my arm upward from the arm rest, and use my hand to block the brightness of her cellphone from my eyes. SHE. DOES NOT. GET. THE PICTURE... until 6 texts later apparently, where she tries to hide it in between her legs. Not working lady.
I never said a damn thing. I wanted to just flip out my phone, type in it "STOP THAT SHIT", and just bluntly flash it in front of her face; with my luck, I would've looked like the douche and been kicked out. The movie was funny, but I didn't get to enjoy it. Sigh
If you state that wrestling is in bad taste and therefor cannot be enjoyed, you are an idiot. You are posting this on a website that's sole purpose is the enjoyment of bad taste. This is Something Awful. Why are you pretentious faggots here?
Have you noticed the irony yet? If only your parents would of Seppuku'd themselves before spreading their genes and lowering the tone of the planet. God should wipe you all away with a giant enema. The stupid shouldn't breed. But they do. Like rabbits. Helldump is full of em.
All of you brainless critics should be melted down and sold as soup. All you fucking idiots should be eradicated by acid bath longjump competitions. All you do is clutter up the world talking shit to hide being wrapped in self loathing. All of you are unable to do anything yourselves, therefor the best you can achieve is to trash anyone who actually tries to do something. You are worthless parasites on the prolapsed rectum of humanity. You'll attack anything just to feel just one smidgen better about yourself.
Kill yourselves by asphyxiating on your own cocks. The failures in your lives might feel slightly better once your tongue hits the balls.
The reality that you have been registered at this forum longer than I clearly illustrates the pristine fact that you are far superior to me (and all other subsequent '07's) in every way imaginable. I will make sure to apologize, and ask for your immediate forgiveness so that your holy god-like unforgiving hammer of retribution will refrain from striking down it's judgment upon me from the heavens for making such a terrible mistake which - if left unattended to - will cause the downfall of modern society similar to what happens at the end of the 1999 award winning film, "Fight Club".
But clearly, if we were required by law to post all of our hilarious videos in the [USE THIS INSTEAD OF POSTING A NEW THREAD FOR 1 LINK] YouTube video thread, you would surely have missed out on the laugh-inducing, "Watch me and my friend drink beer!" video, and the "Check out this new card trick!" video, and, of course, the lovable "watch as I eagerly consume my unsuspecting friends and then proceed to wash them down with used anal lubricant!" video.
So, answer me this: Really, who is truly in the wrong here? Me, for letting this gem of the blessed internet temporarily blind you with it's radiant beauty, and countless facets, even though you have already been basked by it's glory? Or, perhaps, you, for suggesting that I post this in the obligatory [USE THIS INSTEAD OF POSTING A NEW THREAD FOR 1 LINK] YouTube video thread, even though it would mean the exclusion of thousands of goons who would likely skip past this admirable creation of man, uninitiated to it's glory?
This is where the excerpt from an article usually goes. Since the content of this update is only intended for cool people, I refuse to place a single word in the path of blundering normal people.
Out here in the Wild West we got some rules for gunfightin', like a pregnant lady ain't gotta be carryin' iron for you to draw on her first.
The Something Awful Forums are, by far, the greatest and most entertaining community on the internet. From the Comedy Goldmine to Photoshop Phriday, our forums are pretty much the lone island refusing to be engulfed by the sea of stupidity that is the internet. While sections like the Comedy Goldmine and Photoshop Phriday showcase the intentionally hilarious forum creations, we've failed to reveal the coin's flip side. The Great Goon Database is a depository of unintentionally amusing Something Awful Forum quotes demonstrating the darker side of SA. Special thanks to Goon "LittleJoe" for collecting and sorting these gems.