STEP TWO: The Boobs.
The female breasts are, of course, the focal point of any Anime character (except the men, whose bulbous and bloated necks draw all the attention). The boobs should be at least twice the size of the head and should be so big that they could conceivably contain enough Anime action figures to supply the next Gencon. When working on the breasts of your next female character, ask yourself the following questions:
1. If this person existed in real life, would she have such chronic back problems from supporting her breasts that she would be begging for somebody to put a bullet through her skull? (ANSWER SHOULD BE "YES")
2. If this character were wearing a loose shirt, would there appear to be two 90-pound, gigantic, bloated ticks hiding under it? (ANSWER SHOULD BE "YES")
3. Are the character's nipples drawn in such a fashion that they appear to be tiny volcanoes made out of pink flesh? (ANSWER SHOULD BE "YES")
It doesn't matter if you go overboard and make the boobs too large, as no Anime fans will likely realize it. If they do manage to notice, they sure as hell won't complain, as it's difficult to type curse words with only one hand.
STEP THREE: The Legs.
The legs and thighs should make up roughly 75% of the entire vertical build of your character. This allows your character to run really fast and wear skirts with a hemline shorter than a pencil eraser. In an ideal world, women would simply be two large eyeballs lumped on top of a couple gigantic breasts resting on 8-foot tall legs. All the other nonessential parts, like the ribcage, arms, and neck, can be safely discarded and used on your next drawing of the uber-demon bent on destroying Neo-Tokyo2.
Transgressive author Chuck Palahniuk is here to help with tips and tricks to hacking your life.
Not what I had in mind when I ordered an Italian gondolier. This is literally just a tiny toy. Needless to say, the Italian businessmen were not impressed and I looked like a damn fool. We lost the pizza pie account and will have to lay off half our factory.
Time to applaud the man who applauds in a loop until the end of time.
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