Lowtax: Okay, one last question. How do you spell the word "Internet"?
Cactus Frankie: internet?
Lowtax: Thank you very much! Phase I of the survey is now complete! We may now move on to Phase II!
Lowtax: QUESTION #1: On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your satisfaction with the Something Awful Forums?
Cactus Frankie: whats 10?
Lowtax: The number after 9.
Cactus Frankie: uhhhhh 0 THAT SITE FUCKEN SUCKED A DILK!!!!
Lowtax: Excellent. QUESTION #2: If you could change one thing on the Something Awful Forums, what would you change?
Cactus Frankie: MY ACCOUNT TO NOT BE BANNED
Lowtax: Thank you. QUESTION #3: On a scale of 50 to 20, how would you rate your satisfaction with the Something Awful Forum customer service?
Cactus Frankie: 0
Lowtax: I'm sorry, that is not an accepted value, please give me a number higher than 50 but lower than 20.
Cactus Frankie: 20
Lowtax: That will do. QUESTION #5: On a scale from A to Z, what do you think happened to question #4?
Cactus Frankie: what?
Lowtax: Thank you very much! We can now move to Phase III.
Lowtax: During this phase, I will be putting an Automated Service Support technician on the line. This is a specially programmed AI (artificially intellectual) subroutine which has been designed to gather all necessary information, congeal it into a report, and then file this report to the Office of Reporting Records in Michigan. Do you have any other questions you'd like to ask before I put the Automated Service Support on?
Cactus Frankie: yeah can u make a note that CACTUS FRANKIE was banned for NO REASON AT ALL AND I WATN MY $20 BACK NOW!!!
Lowtax: I am now connecting the Automated Service Support, please hold.
Lowtax: HELLO CACTOR FRANKIE, I AM THE AUTOMATED SERVICE SUPPORT (ASS) HERE TO REGISTER YOUR COMPLAINTS! DO YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS?
Cactus Frankie: WHAT???
Lowtax: I AM SORRY, I HAVE BEEN PROGRAMMED TO ONLY UNDERSTAND MESSAGES BEGINNING WITH THE WORD "START" AND ENDING WITH THE WORD "END START."
Cactus Frankie: woah what are u tlking about you stupid thing
Lowtax: PLEASE BEGIN ALL MESSAGES WITH THE WORD "START" AND END THEM WITH THE WORD "END START" SUCH AS IN THIS EXAMPLE:
Lowtax: START HELLO WHICH IS THE STALL I MUST ENTER TO OBTAIN MY AWARD? END START
"Really, Holmes!" I dropped into my seat, shocked. "You are remarkably tall! What are you, six foot six? Six foot eight?"
As the 19th century diver approaches a giant clam, a flash of brilliant golden light flares from within the shell. I emerge in a swirl of bubbles and do the timeless universal underwater hand signals for the following: ZODIAC KILLER, KKK, BLOOD OF YOUTH
Our Something Awful ICQ pranks target the worst and most idiotic folks on the Internet. Believe it or not, these ICQ pranks are all - unfortunately - real.