SA: Do you feel there are downsides to being Town Drunk?

RS: Oh sure. I don't really like showing so many people my penis. I've also never really been a puker, so it is kinda unpleasant to force myself to do it so often. But that's just part of the job. I knew that going in.

SA: How does your family feel about this?

RS: My parents are pretty proud. I never had aspirations to give anything back to the community. Between you and me, I had wanted to be a doctor just for the money. I guess I've surprised myself a bit too.

SA: How long do you plan to keep running?

RS: Not sure. I think my liver has at least one more term left in it, but my son is growing up fast and I don't remember a whole lot of his life at this point. So there's that to think about. I know my wife would prefer to stop sharing me with the middle-aged barfly floozies I need to bang every "Margarita Monday" at the Golden Cactus. But I think she'll also miss the prestige of being married to a public official! Ha!

SA: Any final words of inspiration to aspiring Town Drunks out there?

RS: I guess - just believe in yourself, drink hard, never give in to AA, and always mix your alcohol with diet soda or artificially sweetened mixers because it gets you drunk fast. Look it up.

Thanks to my favorite Irishman -- Dave "Shmorky" Kelly -- for depicting this tippler with the dignity he deserves!

Do you enjoy Worm Miller's signature brand of bullshit? What if we told you there was an entire book full of it?! Check out the book that Publishers Weekly called "cavalier and distasteful" and "blatantly disrespectful!"

– Worm Miller

More Front Page News

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Get In The God Dang Weight Room, Johnny Manziel!

    Get In The God Dang Weight Room, Johnny Manziel!

    Simply put, if I had Johnny Manziel’s physical gifts, you better believe I would be there in the Weight Room, getting to bed early, doing whatever I had to do to be the best possible athlete I could be. I wouldn't be posting on social media about sucking titties. I wouldn't even look at a titty, buddy. I'd look at a titty and see two big footballs.

  • Helping Your Real Friends Move

    Helping Your Real Friends Move

    A real friend doesn't move until the middle of August, ensuring temperatures in the 90s and a humidity that turns boxers into moist balls of ruined cotton.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.