SA: Do you feel there are downsides to being Town Drunk?
RS: Oh sure. I don't really like showing so many people my penis. I've also never really been a puker, so it is kinda unpleasant to force myself to do it so often. But that's just part of the job. I knew that going in.
SA: How does your family feel about this?
RS: My parents are pretty proud. I never had aspirations to give anything back to the community. Between you and me, I had wanted to be a doctor just for the money. I guess I've surprised myself a bit too.
SA: How long do you plan to keep running?
RS: Not sure. I think my liver has at least one more term left in it, but my son is growing up fast and I don't remember a whole lot of his life at this point. So there's that to think about. I know my wife would prefer to stop sharing me with the middle-aged barfly floozies I need to bang every "Margarita Monday" at the Golden Cactus. But I think she'll also miss the prestige of being married to a public official! Ha!
SA: Any final words of inspiration to aspiring Town Drunks out there?
RS: I guess - just believe in yourself, drink hard, never give in to AA, and always mix your alcohol with diet soda or artificially sweetened mixers because it gets you drunk fast. Look it up.
Thanks to my favorite Irishman -- Dave "Shmorky" Kelly -- for depicting this tippler with the dignity he deserves!
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Not what I had in mind when I ordered an Italian gondolier. This is literally just a tiny toy. Needless to say, the Italian businessmen were not impressed and I looked like a damn fool. We lost the pizza pie account and will have to lay off half our factory.
Time to applaud the man who applauds in a loop until the end of time.
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